Nov 23

Racial Inclusivity and Secrets of the Sex Masters

I’ve been pretty quiet here on Sex in Words lately (more on that soon) because I’ve been very busy with lots of exciting, rewarding (and some disappointing) projects. One of the good ones was having my writing appear in Secrets of the Sex Masters, an excellent new book by Carl Frankel. I was fortunate enough to be pen the chapter on anal sex
—a true honour for me. The book is an excellent resource and I do recommend you pick it up!

At the same time, an issue with the book has come to light, one that I am ashamed to admit didn’t even occur to me at all. While I was looking at the back cover, I was too busy quipping that this is the only time I’ll top Nina Hartley, because my picture appears above hers. However, what I wasn’t noticing was the lack of racial diversity in the line-up of authors.

Now this roster of randy writers is amazing. Some of the top sex educators in the world and I am very lucky to be between the covers with them. But we’re (seemingly) an entirely white crew. And while I was looking at the book through starstruck eyes, I wasn’t looking at it through my social justice and equity eyes. My white privilege blinders were on in full effect and that just sucks.

A week or so ago, we had a launch party for Secrets of the Sex Masters and I was lucky enough to meet, in person, with Carl and his partner and collaborator Sheri Winston. We discussed this issue briefly and I am glad to see that Carl has put much thought and consideration to his responses to the situation. I am also fortunate to have read the thoughts shared by Charlie Glickman and Megan Andelloux. I don’t want to cop out and offer a “What they said” but it is true. All three have come to the same understanding: when being involved in a project like this, even if you’re just a contributor, we have ensure inclusivity. We have to be active and ask.

So like Charlie, like Megan, I pledge to ask about other contributors to ensure a true range of voices will be speaking. Moreso than that, I have to admit that when the issue came to light (thank you Aida Manduley!) I realized I know some, but not that many people of colour who are sex educators. Please note this is different from “there aren’t that many”…I am taking ownership that I need to discover and learn about more POC sex educators.

To help this conversation, I want to share a few people who do excellent work: Dr. Jessica O’Reilly, Jerome Stuart, Symone Kitty Nelson, Akio Maroon, Tanesha H.D.  Please do offer more folks we all should be following in the comments below.

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Oct 26

Sex News! I love it! October 26, 2014

What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?

I don’t like being raped

Welcome to Oculus XXX: In-Your-Face 3D is the Future of Porn

Male Escorts: Why Women Shouldn’t Be Afraid to Give Them A Go

Digital Swingers

Oral Sex Redefined: The Art of Sexspeak.

Why I visit prostitutes

Is sex only for rich people?

What I learned from teaching a sex-writing class

Beforeplay: Normalizing the Way We Talk About Sex

Women Who Have Rough Sex: Why It Can Be Liberating

4 Weirdest Things We Learned About Sex This Week

Asexuality, Explained in One Simple Comic

Open Relationships Reduce Jealousy? 12 Surprising Facts About Non-Monogamy

How To Be Better at Bottoming

The online campaign to replace ‘prostitute’ with ‘sex worker’

A Murder in Detroit’s Sexual Underworld

Vaginal Vs. Clitoral Orgasm-Why Is This Even A Debate?

27 Sex Facts You Need in Your Life

Show us what you got: Carleton students start “sex positive” nudie mag

The 5 Most Awkward Sex Education Videos in History

The Fiery Shafts of Love: 20 Piece of Sex Advice from Ancient Greece and Rome

Playboy Pinups From the ’50s, ’60s, and ’70s on Meeting the Male Gaze Then — and Now

8 Slutty And Feminist Costumes for Sex-Positive Halloween Lovers

How Many Licks

It’s Sex O’Clock, time for a weekend romp

I Lost Everything to Sex Addiction

7 Horrifying Lessons Learned Directing a Porno

The Dirty Etymology of 9 Everyday Words

Proof That Comprehensive Sex Ed Classes Actually Help Kids Put Off Having Sex

The Internet’s last sexual taboo

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Oct 21

Secrets of the Sex Masters! Available Now!

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I am delighted to let everyone know that you can now learn all of the Secrets of the Sex Masters! This remarkable collection of sex tips, instruction, anecdotes and fun is now available on Amazon! I was lucky enough to contribute the chapter on anal sex (yay!) and I have to praise editor Carl Frankel on the fantastic job he’s done in collecting this tremendous bank of knowledge.

Check out this line-up of Sex Master contributors: Carl Frankel, Megan Andelloux, Jaeleen Bennis, Charlie Glickman, Ernest Greene, Nina Hartley, Carlyle Jansen, Joseph Kramer, Reid Mihalko, Eve Minax, Caroline Muir, Charles Muir, Tallulah Sulis, Patricia Taylor, Michael Winn, Sheri Winston. WOW!

I am very grateful to have my words included in Secrets of the Sex Masters…and I think you will be very grateful when you read all it has to offer!

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Oct 16

Sexy Tickles from The Pigeonhole’s Erotica Feathers!

An exciting new digital publishing venture has launched this fall! The Pigeonhole showcases many different genres with mutli-week stories that are delivered directly to subscribers’ devices. What piqued my interest (beyond loving stories!) is their October 17 launch of Sex Staves! That’s right, erotica comes to The Pigeonhole in the form of an anthology of smutty work from new and established writers—a new story every week for 10 straight weeks.
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I caught up with Anna Hughes, their erotica series campaign manager to poke my beak into the sexiness we can expect.
Was including erotica always in the plans for The Pigeonhole’s unique delivery method?
Erotica is a contentious literary issue these days and we’ve always felt that offering an opt-out serialisation subscription will really drive people to try genres they wouldn’t normally read.
The erotica market is full to bursting of 50 Shades and its rip-offs. Don’t get me wrong, I think this is an incredibly good thing, it brought sex to people who had never read it before. I was working at Cornerstone (Random House) when they published the series and we got an extraordinary number of letters from women thanking E.L.James for reinvigorating their sex lives. Some even mentioned James-related pregnancies. I love the idea of a gaggle of Christians and Anas running about. But there is a silly snobbery against it.
On the flip side is Anaïs Nin, Henry Miller and George Bertailles, but these literary bastions are mid-century. Sex Staves is the answer to this polarisation, they sit somewhere in the middle of literary and romp. Sex is the great leveller, practically everybody of an age has it in some from or another. Yet writing it is hard and in that sense this genre was a perfect launchpad for the Pigeonhole – it gave authors, both established and debut, the opportunity to try something different. All of the stories are utterly imaginative and beautifully written. A real signpost of what’s to come.
How does erotica, in particular, lend itself to success in this platform?
The platform is so dynamic and the Pigeon a bird of many talents. The beauty of having multi-media functionality means that everything we publish is enhanced by all the extra content we produce. In this instance it’s in the form of audio. We went out and found the most dulcet-toned actors we could and have produced awesome readings to go with each story – aural pleasure.
Also, there will always be the odd prude or prejudiced type out there, those that frown and sneer at you as if they’ve smelt something awful. The beauty of the Pigeonhole is that we offer all our readers the blank face of their phone, tablet or reader instead of a raunchy jacket – the nay-sayers will never know!
Was the collection being released curated specifically for The Pigeonhole? 
I’ve commissioned and edited every story in the anthology. We’ve also decided to ask our readers for the last Stave, as we thought a competition would be a great way to get people involved in all aspects of the Pigeonhole. All we are asking is for 2,000 words of naughty by the 1st of December and the best 5 will be published on the 19th.
The only request we made on the writers was that they had to include a pigeon in there somewhere. The game during launch is to see who can post the first tweet with the pigeon from each story.
Do you think the readers will be more turned on by the written text or the aural sounds?
Ah, well, everyone is different. Apparently. I do know that each of these stories are wonderfully titillating in any medium, but for all different reasons. I spent much of the months whilst editing the collection with an enormous grin plastered across my face. My boyfriend will also attest to the fact that I was a changed woman whilst doing it, so…
Aurally, the actors have done such a bang-up job and the idea of our users bumbling about town with filth plugged into their ears makes me very happy.
What kinds of sexy stories can we look forward to in the future on The Pigeonhole?
We are looking to publish all genres of all kinds and we will certainly be doing another Erotic anthology at some point. For now we are on the hunt for some brilliant women’s fiction and sex is never remiss between those covers…
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Oct 16

Elust #63

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Photo courtesy of A to sub Bee

Welcome to Elust #63

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #64? Start with the rules, come back November1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

I am Sexy at Every Size
Censored? Never By My Hand #DarkErotica #BDSM
Hovering

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Show Me, Daddy
The pride of being a dom

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
Ask Better Questions

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

 

Erotic Non-Fiction

Two Hours of Bliss
Save the Sheets
All He Could Do Was Moan.
I’ll Have What She’s Having
Attitude on the Autobahn
Go get a toy so you can fuck yourself.
Cumslut

Thoughts and Advice on Kink and Fetish

Why I love my Packer
Tools of the trade
On being a feminist and a dirty little slut
Stapled
Getting Acquainted
Not Your Fetish
Why Kinky Women Are All Gold-Digging Trash*
Schoolgirls a Lasting Obsession
Kink-Blocked by Burners

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

We Still Have To Work At It
Sex and Motherhood – Part 1
Tips for using sex toys & avoiding infections
How to Have Sex Naked
Bipolar Sex

Erotic Fiction

Oopps Wrong Number
Pour
Minister & Mistress
Surprises: A Threesome Story
Door Frame

Sex News, Opinion, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Sex, lies, videotape & being a decent person
Two Women One Topic

Events

Rubber Band Brilliance

Blogging

Stripping away the Shadows

Poetry

Sweat Slick – An Erotic Sonnet
The Poem Challenge, Day 6: “Owned”
Sixty Years On – A Lusty Limerick
Poetry: I Am….

Writing About Writing

On Writing Daddy Porn
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Oct 07

Men on the Make: Shane Allison Confesses

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Do you tell your sexy secrets? Do you want people to know what you get up to? Would you ever write a story about them? After interviewing fantastic writer/editor Shane Allison on Sex City this past summer, I knew I’d like to learn more about his projects, and shortly thereafter Men on the Make (Cleis Press) showed up on my doorstep. This amazing collection of “true gay sex confessions” is both telling and titillating so I knew I had to continue this conversation with Shane.

What was the first sexy/dirty/smutty thing you ever committed to paper?
I wrote poems for a long time before I started writing fiction, so a lot of my poetry is quite erotic in nature. I didn’t start writing fiction again until 2001. I hadn’t written a story since a creative writing class I took during my sophomore year in college. I was home during the summer of 2001, was literally lying in bed with my notebook and began to write prose again after eight years. The story is about two men who get it on in a bathroom during their days in college. “The Torsos of Angels” I called it. Going from erotic poetry to erotic prose felt like it made since. That year I had only penned five erotic stories. I sold “The Torsos of Angels” to a queer lit site called Velvet Mafia. The rest is history. I felt I had run out of gas with poetry and took to writing fiction, so here I am.

In Men on the Make, did you expect *such* a level of honesty?
Candidness was what I expected and I got it. Reading fiction is one thing, but something comes over you when the work is deemed true in nature. You feel more connected to it in a way. One human being telling his/her story to another, and you’re able to identify with that human condition on all sorts of levels. The idea of that is why I wanted to do this anthology. I like the idea of readers reading the stories from Men on the Make and thinking, I’ve never done that before, but maybe I should? A very hmmm moment.
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Are you one of those people who others naturally tell secrets to?
I’ve always been a pretty easy guy to talk to. I don’t judge.

Did any of these stories truly surprise you?
I wouldn’t say so much surprised, but intrigued me.

Can you share the secret of what you’re working on next?
I’m finishing up my third novel. The first two I’ve sold to Strebor books. I also continue to write short stories to keep the creative muscles in shape. Writing a lengthy novel is time consuming for sure, so I find that I usually need a break from it, so I go back and forth. Ihave so many ideas for future novels.  I just make notes in the meantime until I have the time to get to larger things.

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Oct 01

The Hook-up: A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind

Introducing A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind

I’m going to be completely honest here: I fucked up. A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind is one of my sex blogging inspirations and I can’t believe it took me this long to feature her and her work in The Hook-up. Foolishly, I thought I already had. Well, I learned, and now you will as well. She’s taught me so very much.

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How did you get into sex blogging?
By accident, really. I only started my blog as a placeholder for my erotica. I really didn’t have plans for it. Then I got the itch for what I was already doing professionally—editing, managing and writing for corporate/consumer blogs. I was shocked when I had an instant audience that grew very quickly.

You recently celebrated your 2nd blogaversary. Has your perspective on blogging changed at all during that time?
Oh, God, yes! When I started out, I had no idea how many awesome sex blogs are out there. They each have their individual approaches, areas of interests and personalities. There are so many great writers and intelligent people who pen those blogs and I love how their authenticity shines through in each of them. I always complain how search engines make them difficult to find. The information I find in them is generally much accurate and complete than the stuff found on popular magazine websites. Plus, they’re just plain damn fun to read.

As I’m going into my third year of blogging, I’m steering it toward more of a magazine style site. I guess you could call it a blogazine. I want my blog to be a little more well-rounded to read. I’m sure no one wants to read about my personal (sex) life and opinions and observations about sex and relationships all the time. As awesome as my relationship and sex life is and think there are a lot of people who can learn from and be inspired by it, the last thing I am is a narcissistic person. I’ve added a couple of new features in my blog I hope readers will enjoy.

I’ve been reaching out to certified therapists and well-known and respected sexperts to answer questions and topics about sex in Ask the Sexpert. Date Night features ideas for keeping sex and relationships fun and exciting. While there are tons of great sex toy review sites on the Interwebz, I’m really trying to focus on stuff that is brand new and under the radar in my Giveaways & Reviews section. I don’t have enough time to write my own erotica and a lot of writers spend more time and money promoting their books and stories than they actually spend time writing. That’s part of the reason why I carved out a section called The Art of Erotica. I’d like to include photographers and filmmakers in that section, too. Also, I’ve noticed a big void in all the great lingerie, clubwear an fetishwear in sex blogs. It’s why I’ve added the What’s in Your Closet? section in my blog.

Your writing is so deliciously varied from sex ed to reviews to commentary to erotica! Do you have a favourite current type these days?
I love writing more magazine/journalistic type stories about interesting people, projects and businesses in the world of sex, especially on topics that no one else is covering. It’s something I plan to do more of starting in the next couple of weeks.

You created one of the key happenings of the sex calendar: Adult Sex Ed Month. What prompted you to initiate this amazing event and what can we look forward to next year?
I created #AdultSexEdMonth for several reasons. The primary reason was because I found it so difficult to find information on topics I was researching for stories I was writing. I’m often flabbergasted about questions and advice about sex that people give each other and that I see in popular forums like Yahoo! Answers and Reddit. Sometimes I come *this* close to choking and gagging over advice I see in some popular magazines, especially one that promotes itself as being “cosmopolitan”. Lots of sex bloggers provide information that people should read and know about sex. I wanted to give them an opportunity to get their word out and expand their audiences? What better way to do that than through social media?

Who are some of the bloggers you’ve connected with out of Adult Sex Ed Month that you are now a fan of?
So many people, and forgive me if I’ve forgotten to mention any of them. Galen Fous is an amazing man. He’s a psychotherapist who specializes in working with heterosexual fetish-oriented couples. He has some great perspectives on fetishsexuality. Melissa White, CEO of Lucky Bloke is doing a great job of pulling together some great experts and advocates of safer sex in Lucky Bloke’s new companion website, safersex.education, that just launched at the beginning of June. I was thrilled to make some personal connections with Pamela Madsen and Betty Dodson. They’re both such influential trailblazers in the world of sexuality, especially for women. I’ve also become a big fan of Mr. Will’s House of Thrills because of #AdultSexEdMonth. There are very few straight men blogging on behalf of men and couples when it comes to sex. They’re so underrepresented and Mr. Will has a fantastic, quality sex blog. Symone “Kitty” Nelson, Walker Thornton, The Redhead Bedhead and Condom Depot Information Center are only a few sex blogs and bloggers I discovered when I did the first #AdultSexEdMonth in June 2013.

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Another of your projects is Sex Sells—Detroit. We all assume sex sells easily…is that not the case?
I’m making a very concentrated effort to specialize my professional skills in the adult markets – adult novelty brands and retailers, dating sites, and ethical/feminist porn sites. Even though the adult novelty market is a $15 billion a year industry, it’s very much an underground market and economy. Very few companies have the budgets to pour into Google Ads. SEO advertising is only one of the things that companies should have in their marketing mix where advertising opportunities are severely restricted. With my background in journalism and content marketing, where I’ve pulled off some really great cross-media tie-ins for other clients, I’d like to perform this kind of magic for other companies.

Through all of your success, there must be some challenges. What walls do you find you come up against in sex blogging?
My recommendation is don’t quit your day job to become an entrepreneurial sex blogger. Sex blogging and tying to tie in what I do professionally with content and social media marketing has been a rough haul. Actually, blogging is a rough haul for many displaced veteran journalists regardless of their areas of expertise, but I believe it’s the wave of journalism in the 21st century.

What has been the best reaction or feedback you’ve received on your work?
Any time someone tells me that they were inspired by or learned something new in a post that I wrote is always the greatest compliment.

What can we expect from you in the future?
I’m really excited to see how my blogazine concept takes off. Ideally, I’d like to get it on the eyes of everyone who has and enjoys sex.

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Sep 26

Calling All Superheroes – Kinkly is Looking for 2014’s Top Sex Bloggers

Hey Everyone!

Kinkly, the amazing sex community site I contribute Sex Stories We Love and other articles to, is looking for the 2014’s Top Sex Bloggers! You can go to their list of Top Sex Bloggers and vote for your favourites! There are so many excellent sex bloggers out there—you can even learn about a number of the listed bloggers in my sex blogger feature series The Hook-up. And…if you’re so inclined…I’d really love a vote for this little space, Sex in Words. All of the details are below!

Calling All Superheroes – We’re Looking for 2014’s Top Sex Bloggers

Calling All Superheroes - We're Looking for 2014's Top Sex Bloggers
Source: Martin Malchev/Dreamstime.com
Can you leap over tall buildings? Do you have super-human strength? Can you control the elements? Or breathe underwater? What about X-Ray vision?Come to think of it, that last one could be a lot of fun, but at Kinkly, these aren’t the kinds of skills that really impress us; we’re looking for a different class of superhero. In fact, in 2013, our plucky group of superheroes fought not for justice, but for pleasure.It’s that time of year again and we’re on the hunt for the Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2014. We’re looking for writers with charisma and courage, writers who are on a mission to promote sex positivity and save the world from bad sex. Because when you think about it, that job is pretty damned heroic. After all, the vast majority of people would choose rushing into a burning building over uttering words like “orgasm” or “clitoris” or “anal sex” in a public setting.

And yet, that’s what sex bloggers do all over the Internet every day. It’s why we promoted the heck out of our Sex Blogging Superheroes of 2013, and are looking to honor the best of an amazing group by choosing a brand, spanking new list of Sex Blogging Superheroes in 2014.

Oh, and this year, there isn’t just glory to be won, but a $500 cash prize from LELO, our presenting sponsor. This prize will go to the blog that receives the most online votes from its readers – a bit of a Viewers Choice Award!

Have a favorite sex blogger you want to nominate? Here’s how it works:

  • Find your favorite blogger in our Sex Blogger Directory. (If the blog you’d like to add isn’t already on the list, it can be submitted here.)
  • Now click on your favorite bloggers from the Sex Blogger Directory page and hit their Vote For Me button. Voting for the same blogger more than once won’t count – sorry, but feel free to vote for multiple blogs.
  • For extra kudos, leave a comment below on this article telling us why you might love a certain superhero blogger or include a link to any articles you thought were especially awesome over the last year.
  • We’ll tally up the votes and read through ALL the blogs with the highest number of votes. (Hey someone’s gotta do the dirty work around here …)
  • At the end of October we’ll announce the winners based on a combination of the number of votes they received, their site’s rank in our directory, and our impressions of the site’s ability to spread the sex-positive gospel.
  • Capes are strictly optional.

Got it? Now get online and vote for your favorites.

Once you are done that, don’t hesitate to head over to LELO. They want to support the sex positive community and so we think they are worthy of the same support back.

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Sep 23

Becoming Belle Knox Busts Bullshit Beliefs of Porn

If you haven’t seen the documentary Becoming Belle Knox yet, well, click back there and watch it. It is remarkable and one of the best comments on pornography you’re going to find. If you’re not up for watching just yet, this analysis of the doc by Samantha Allen is a great refutation of the foolish thoughts commonly spread about porn.

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