Introducing SangsaraB
SangsaraB is very open about herself—past and present—on her blog Sexuality Sanctuary. I am humbled that she opened up even more about her unrestrained ambition to improve sexuality for all, her boundless spirit and her desire to promote community.
How did you get into sex blogging?
I was laid off from my job in adult retail and knew that I loved introducing people to toys too much to lose contact with the industry.
Your reviews are great! Do you prefer do written or video reviews? Video by far. I have a background in theatre and have dabbled in film and I do most vids in one or two takes. Thorough written reviews take SOO long to do right and there are a ton of people doing them right now. During my online training on edenfantasys I found that I got the most feedback from people that appreciated my vids due to dyslexia or ADHD or vision issues and decided to go with it.
Where the hell do you keep that massive list of toys you have for future reviews?
Lol. My bedroom has a dildo shelf and a bunch of plastic organization tiers as well as under the bed storage and boxes EVERYWHERE! Every electrical outlet in my apartment has a vibe dangling from it. I am currently single and have no kids so it’s not really an issue. But when my mom comes to visit it takes a lot of saris to cover it all. lol. Any friends or booty calls that come by—clients too—are like “what’s this I just sat on—oh a massive silicone penis.” lol. once I stood up from my bed with a wand stuck in my hair. I sleep with at least 3 toys every night and I lose them constantly.
Your goal is to open a sex shop. Describe what your shop would be like.
When I first started in adult retail I admired my boss for the insanely large selection she had—the other 2 shops on town took the opposite approach and hand-selected fewer toys. We see this all over the web with ’boutique’ type stores vs outlet. As I became immersed in sex toys education and learned that there are ZERO regulations in sex toys (99.9% are ‘novelties’ with a couple of medical device exceptions) and discovered luxury vs somewhat decent vs total crap, I realized why the other 2 had been so selective—customers may think that they know what they want (usually based on colour choice or some other irrelevant detail to the function of the toy). However, despite what the package says, like “no phthalates” or “silicone,” unless its a company that has proven itself trustworthy, you really can’t count on the advertising. My store will feature carefully hand-selected items. Of course, I will be willing to order ANYTHING that you can get elsewhere into the store. My website will also be mail order and bigger than my shop (sex positive, environmentally friendly, up on all of the latest info, etc.) but what is essential to my “love Sang-tuary” will be short sexuality workshops in everything from “how to talk to your kids about sex” to “pole dancing/strip tease” to “fellatio techniques”. Not everyone will attend a 3 day $600 sexuality workshop – 1-2hr $20-$40 makes much more sense. Iit’s a get your feet wet (safely) sort of thing.
When I first started in adult retail I admired my boss for the insanely large selection she had—the other 2 shops on town took the opposite approach and hand-selected fewer toys. We see this all over the web with ’boutique’ type stores vs outlet. As I became immersed in sex toys education and learned that there are ZERO regulations in sex toys (99.9% are ‘novelties’ with a couple of medical device exceptions) and discovered luxury vs somewhat decent vs total crap, I realized why the other 2 had been so selective—customers may think that they know what they want (usually based on colour choice or some other irrelevant detail to the function of the toy). However, despite what the package says, like “no phthalates” or “silicone,” unless its a company that has proven itself trustworthy, you really can’t count on the advertising. My store will feature carefully hand-selected items. Of course, I will be willing to order ANYTHING that you can get elsewhere into the store. My website will also be mail order and bigger than my shop (sex positive, environmentally friendly, up on all of the latest info, etc.) but what is essential to my “love Sang-tuary” will be short sexuality workshops in everything from “how to talk to your kids about sex” to “pole dancing/strip tease” to “fellatio techniques”. Not everyone will attend a 3 day $600 sexuality workshop – 1-2hr $20-$40 makes much more sense. Iit’s a get your feet wet (safely) sort of thing.
You’d also like to run a feminist escort agency. Please describe that as well.
What that means to me, first off, is that it will cater to ALL genders and ALL ORIENTATIONS. Second, let’s make it so that instead of ordering a companion by activities, (CIM, MSG, etc.), one will order by personality. Activities still offered, but promote the SPs with what they are truly happy doing instead of just willing to do. I think that boundaries make all of the difference in the world. Pre-communication is necessary. Less objectification. Although honestly, the most objectified I have ever felt was all of those hours STANDING on the corner enduring the abuse of the general public—NOT the actual tricks themselves. And, of course, the SPs need to be treated right and paid right! The house fee should be on top of her/his rate to ensure D&D free, safety, clean premises, discreet advertising and client/SP match up.
What that means to me, first off, is that it will cater to ALL genders and ALL ORIENTATIONS. Second, let’s make it so that instead of ordering a companion by activities, (CIM, MSG, etc.), one will order by personality. Activities still offered, but promote the SPs with what they are truly happy doing instead of just willing to do. I think that boundaries make all of the difference in the world. Pre-communication is necessary. Less objectification. Although honestly, the most objectified I have ever felt was all of those hours STANDING on the corner enduring the abuse of the general public—NOT the actual tricks themselves. And, of course, the SPs need to be treated right and paid right! The house fee should be on top of her/his rate to ensure D&D free, safety, clean premises, discreet advertising and client/SP match up.
It has been almost a year since you decided to return to the sex trade. You’ve blogged about this a few times, but how are you feeling about it a year later?
I love it more and more each day. Don’t get me wrong, there are days that I groan and roll my eyes but who doesn’t? Also I am NOT SUGGESTING this as a career move. I LUV it because of how it has helped me with my past, but it is only because of my past that I can not only handle what I do but enjoy it as well. There is a stigma STWs are constantly fighting of assumed childhood abuse, addiction, nymphomania, and sex addiction but in today’s ever-improving sex positive world, totally healthy happy women are making the choice totally uncoerced.
When I went to college at age 17 pursing my BFA in theatre, the head of the program spent an entire lecture stressing the idea that unless this was the only thing we could see ourselves doing, unless acting was something that we absolutely COULD NOT live without, then we should quit right then and there and avoid all of the stress of trying to make it as an actor. Same sort of thing—unless you absolutely love the idea of the sex trade or if you couldn’t see yourself living WITHOUT reviewing toys you probably shouldn’t bother because there is so much against us. It’s a ton of energy with every client because they are all so totally different from one another and the chemistry is all over the map. One pulls, another pushes .
Will this writing continue to be a part of your blog.
Hheck yes!! More and more. I LOVE writing non-fiction erotica but I also want to add some of the education my experiences in the trade have taught me—like a post on the importance of boundaries and how to have a safe Craigslist hookup. My upstairs neighbour was the blood sister of one of Willy Pickton’s victims. She was working as a prostitute and living on the street in 2001 went she went missing—the same year that I started working the street right across the water in Victoria. Her name was Andrea Joesbury and the circumstances of her murder and discovery of her remains was tragic. Life on the street is treacherous and I can only imagine how terrified she must have been. I had horseshoes up my ass to survive 5 years out there and avoid a similar fate. I would like to dedicate Tales From The Trade to the missing women and specifically Andrea and her sister Heather. I want to eventually do some outreach and maybe even become a more integral part of the research for a safety emergency device suitable for street girls. There are a couple of apps I have that track GPS etc—great for escorts/blind dates but useless for addicts.
What can we look forward to in the future on Sexuality Sanctuary?
I just had buddypress installed and am adding BB press as well because I want to form a community of STWs/SPs. Everyone from cam girls to street hoes and everyone in between are welcome. My goal is to provide a place of support and advice as well as a forum for funny anecdotes, life stories and such.
I want it to be accessible, to be read by anyone interested, but I will monitor it carefully to keep out any hatred or shaming. A sanctuary is literally a safe place of non-judgement but that also means that those that are not comfortable with the sex trade yet still interested in my reviews and sexuality info should be able to browse without our stories on the landing page. This way I am true to myself and my experiences, yet I can still maintain boundaries and keep my sponsors happy by containing the juicy stuff in its own section. Many bloggers are strict about not having guest posts and maybe I am naive, but I’m excited about creating a place for others to share their stories.
I have other goals like one day following in The Redhead Bedhead‘s shoes and doing a cross-Canada critique of sex shops, but who knows! With the crazy amount of work this site takes if I’ll ever manage to do it.
Next year I want to do a trade show in Vancouver—Sexuality Sanctuary’s top 15 adult products—that sort of thing. I attended the Naughty But Nice show last February and was shocked at the lack of knowledge and quality items for sale. I swear hundreds of thousands of dollars of jelly toys were sold- I want to educate and help stop people from wasting their money, yet still help them find that toy that rocks their worlds.
