THIS THIS THIS A THOUSANDS TIMES THIS!
Dr. Rachael Ross nails it and she has quickly become a new favourite educator of mine.
So many people get into the rut of not being the initiator. Sure, some people are naturally more submissive or dominant and hopefully they find relationships that help them fulfill those roles. But when the relationship is more egalitarian, sex-wise, it is far too easy to just wait for the other person to make that move. Or, potentially more damaging, to expect them to.
That expectation, which you both may be feeling, is was can really harm sex. Maybe you’re both feeling that way. Maybe you but just want to be taken. Maybe you both are tired and just want to be on the bottom. There are many entirely legitimate reasons/excuses for you to expect your partner to be the one to jump your bones, but that might a) not even occur to them—they aren’t mind readers!; or b) might be contrary to what they want—and then you end up in a silent struggle of wills.
Best solution? Talk about your expectations. Say “I want you to take the lead tonight.” Or, as Dr. Rachael says, put in a bit of extra effort, even if you’d like to be the one to lie back. There are lots of ways around this all-to-common problem.
