You may have noticed that I posted a new The Hook-up earlier tonight…and now it has been taken down.
It was removed at the request of the blogger I interviewed. Because she didn’t like the introduction I wrote.
Here’s what I wrote:
Introducing dizzygirl of Novelties: toy meets girl
Good things come to those who ask. Or because someone asks. dizzygirl asked me about being featured in The Hook-up. We all benefit from her story and words.
You can read her interpretation of this intro (and our continuing conversation) here.
I have a very specific style for the intros to these pieces. They are short, focussed on naming the writer, their twitter and blog url and my sentences are meant to be moderately vague to lead into the interview. What I was trying to do was play with the colloquial phrase “Ask and ye shall receive.” But I thought I turned it around to indicate that we, the readers, were on the receiving end of her great sex toy reviews and what she shared of her story.
Well, I will readily admit that that failed. She contacted me write away to say she wasn’t pleased. I tried to reason that it is okay to ask, others have (and not been featured). This did not sway her, I explained I would change it when I could (I was in transit when the post went live), but I received another message to take it down. So I did.
Is she justified in being upset? Absolutely, if the feature was not to her liking, she can definitely express her displeasure. Did I offer to try and alleviate that? Yes. Did I do as I was asked? Yes, I did.
However, I do strenuously object to the idea that I didn’t say anything interesting or nice or whatever. I thought the intro was very complimentary. What is a bigger compliment than being told your stories and words make a difference? That we are all benefitting from the work you do? If anyone ever utters those words to me, I will be eternally grateful to them.
But the big objection was to my pointing out that she asked. Well, why shouldn’t I? I was playing off the phrase but there is truly something empowering about asking for what you want. Her asking if I’d consider featuring her demonstrates a passion for her work, a belief in the validity of her words, a strength to know what she wants and how she can try to get it.
The ability to ask for what you want is a truly commendable quality.
It is also one of the main things people who write about sex are trying to help others with. So many people do not ask for what they want sexually. They live a life unfulfilled out of fear, out of worry.
Asking for what you want, sexually or otherwise, is how you achieve your goals and dreams. I grew up extremely shy and introverted. I never asked for what I wanted. I missed out on a lot of opportunities. A LOT. And sometimes, I still suffer from this. But I’m trying not to. I’m trying to also be forthright. I’ve been blessed with wonderful chances and opportunities because I’ve started asking.
Which is why this blog exists. I ask a lot of people. I ask a lot of questions and I ask for a lot of intimate information from people. That you share is remarkable and I am truly grateful. I would not have learned so much with asking for your help.
I really regret inadvertantly hurting someone, but the reaction has been too strong, too harsh to ignore. I offered to help, but that was denied. So now all I can ask is that we move on.
