For many people, expanding our sexual horizons beyond that which has been proscribed as normal and acceptable by society can be a daunting task. Taking that step, opening that dialogue, asking about and expressing desire can sometimes be enough to inhibit one’s own growth and fulfillment.
Sex educator Princess Kali, founder of Erotication, Kink Academy and many other kink positive initiatives has launched a new starting point, New to Kink, for people looking to learn about and explore their sexuality.
What inspired the creation of New to Kink?
KinkAcademy.com has been online for 4 years and grown to a pretty large degree (over 1200 videos and 5 new ones posted every week!) and it covers a pretty broad ranges of basic to more ‘exotic’ kinks. I’d been hearing comments that people loved the site but some wanted a smaller number of videos with a more focused theme. NewToKink.com was born out of a desire to provide that.
What are some of the most common questions you hear as people are exploring kink?
“How do I get started?!” I find that a lot of people think that there’s a prescribed formula for ‘getting into’ kink. But the most important thing is to start communicating, start playing and start having fun! Also, I always recommend that people take one activity at a time when first starting to explore kink. If you try to put together too much of a ‘circus act’ scene there can be a lot of pressure and you might not be able to separate the issue if something goes wrong. If you try one thing at a time instead (such as: play with spanking without restraint, then once you feel comfortable with the spanking start to add in elements of bondage) because that way you can gauge your skill level and your interest level before you start combining all the activities into one playtime!
Which do you think is the more difficult to address when it comes to kink awareness: the physical or psychological?
Hmmmm, well that’s a tough one! Both can be really confusing to try to explain to non-kinky people. They are closely connected. Non-kinksters don’t necessarily understand why someone would psychologically allow someone else to physically ‘do’ certain kinky activities to them. So I suppose the psychological if I had to choose one.
Given the 50 Shades effect, do you think kink is here to stay in mainstream culture or a passing fad?
I think that kink in mainstream culture is probably going to remain a fad for awhile longer, but I hope that it’s a step towards more authentic mainstream acceptance as a sexual orientation, healthy sexual expression and an important personal identity for many.
Seeing someone discover and embrace themselves in new ways is one of the most amazing experiences I’ve ever had, and I’m blessed to be a part of that pretty often. One of my favorite reactions was a woman who attended one of my FemDomme classes. I had woken up late and for the only time in 10 years of teaching, I’d come to the class straight from my hotel room (the event had taken over a hotel for the weekend) still bleary eyed and in my socks and bath-robe. At the end of the class a woman came up with tears in her eyes and shared that she had always thought that she couldn’t “be dominant” if she didn’t wear high heels. But seeing me in my robe and socks and proclaiming that dominance comes from confidence, not accoutrements, she finally felt like she could claim her own dominance. It was amazing and brought tears to my eyes. It really is an honor to share in people’s exploration.
