I was riding my bike yesterday, heading home after the day job, wondering what I should review this week. The cupboard is a little bare of new products (must do some shopping!) so I actually thought I’d skip Sex Stuff this week.
But then, as is often the case, I started thinking about sex some more, specifically masturbation, and that lead my mind to pornographic magazines.
I have a bit of a checkered past when it comes to porno magazines. Having experienced my hormonally-raging teenage years in the pre-Internet days, skin mags were the way to check out porn. Sure, there was video, but VCRs weren’t cheap and I didn’t have one in my room. I had a few videos but watching an x-rated film was not a daily occurrence, as it had to happen on the sly. Magazines however fit neatly under my bed and were available at any time.
And I had lots. Of many different genres. I was rather prolific at stealing acquiring them, despite being underage. Seriously, I had a hockey bag full of glossy print hotness.
When I moved away for university, I must have gotten rid of my stash. I remember actually going and buying a few pervy periodicals…but then the internet happened. Sure, it took an hour to look at 5 photos, but from then on, digital replaced print as my wank watching choice.
That was almost 20 years ago. And I’ve barely looked at a porno mag since. So I decided to check in on the paper and ink crowd to see what is up. And what better choice than the classic and controversial Hustler.
We’re familiar with Larry Flynt, we’re familiar with how Hustler has been a polarizing commentary of our times. This November issue certainly seems to maintain that tradition. Though at times, I felt like I was reading old-school Playboy…
Right off the bat, Larry’s editorial is in support of teachers and educators who have been fired from their job because of having porn-involved pasts. Right on Larry! There are also very good articles on the FBI and terror, President powers, surveillance the government and Google, as well sex-themed pieces on sploshing and plastic surgery for the vulva. Hustler has always pushed the envelope with their mix of social commentary and porn, sometimes being awesomely cutting edge and sometimes being awfully misogynistic. This particular issue skews to the former, though some of their trademark comics are pretty awful.
But really, am I here to read the articles? Okay, maybe back in the day I wasn’t, but this time I actually enjoyed that part. Probably because the actual sex, the main draw of the this whole publishing genre was…dull.
Maybe it is because all of the models were so similar. Not just the models themselves, but the poses, the settings, the photography. I remember Hustler to be much more raunchy. Very little raunch here. Sure, one model had her pubes shaved into an arrow and that made me chuckle, but otherwise I wasn’t really turned on. Turns out the pictorial I enjoyed most was a retro set from 1978! What does that say about me! Really, I wish I could expound on this more, but the photos didn’t even register in my nether regions.
At this point, I’m a bit surprise print porn mags still exist and I really wonder how much longer they’ll be around. I think they will still have a place, for some, who aren’t interested in having this material on their smartphone or computer. But those people are surely becoming more rare. Having this material on your phone or tablet would be the best way to have it! Much easier to hide than an overstuffed hockey bag!
