Many people may have heard the term ‘edging’ for the first time while watching the wildly popular Orange is the New Black.
Jason Armstrong of Hunting for Sex: Cautionary Tales from the Quest fills us in on this get-ya-so-close technique.
Technically, “edging” is a term used to describe a form of masturbation wherein the masturbator brings him or herself to the “edge” (close to orgasm) repeatedly, and then draws back, slowing back down and avoiding the orgasm in order to prolong the pleasure and to keep masturbating. How long can a person edge? It depends on the masturbator—some might devote an hour or so to their masturbatory session. For dedicated edgers, why stop at an hour? Why not go all night? Edging is a delight for those who have, quite frankly, made an art of masturbation. We are not talking about the quick wank in the shower done just to relieve sexual tension. This is about taking the time to repeatedly bring yourself to the brink, with each crescendo building to something bigger until your body finally demands to orgasm. Or not. Edging is not necessarily about the destination, but a really hot journey of masturbatory bliss.
What are some of the common techniques used?
I can only speak for men, but one would employ the same techniques to avoid coming that one might use during penetrative sex. One could cease direct stimulation to the erogenous zones, one might gently squeeze the tip of the penis, or one might think of baseball, their grandmother, or a shopping list. The ways in which you excite yourself to the edge are endless in their variety. For some men, tantric practices are key. Other men might throw back some beers and turn on the porn to settle in for an all-night party with their cock. The variety of techniques employed are limitless, but what all edgers share in common is a desire to take the time to really connect with themselves, their bodies, to stretch the pleasure out over a lengthier period of time. It is definitely an exercise in self-control. It’s a date with yourself that won’t be rushed. For so many of us edgers, a night of edging is down-right transcendent. Edging lends itself to “gooning”, a term used to describe that point in the masturbation session where you are so connected to both your cock and the universe that you are all but drooling on yourself, moaning and doing what we edgers refer to as cock-babbling (“Oh my God, I love my cock, my beautiful, huge cock…”) It’s the sexual equivalent of speaking in tongues. Just as there is a tradition throughout history of religious ecstasy, we are talking ultimately about nothing less than sexual ecstasy, wherein the cock (or any other erogenous zone) becomes the bridge between the human, the primal and the divine all at once.
Are there any potential risks with edging?
Absolutely. I, for example, used to masturbate without lube. As my masturbatory sessions started going from one hour, to two, to eight, I ended up with one sore, swollen cock! As a novice edger, I stupidly did not realize why my cock was swollen, if you can believe it. I went to the sex clinic and saw a nurse. I thought I had some type of STI. The nurse looked at my cock, and then looked balefully at me and said “are you a little rough with your penis while masturbating? You might just want to take it easy on yourself…” Lube is a must! A fellow “bator” (masturbator) shared with me this potential risk: There are instances where a dangerous situation can arise called a retrograde ejaculation. If the edger has gotten too close to ejaculation and squeezes or in some other way stops the semen from exiting the penis, it can force the semen to enter the bladder.
There is a scene in a movie I once saw where a lesbian is about to share a kiss with a married woman who has never kissed a woman before. The lesbian pulls back and says “Don’t kiss me.” The married woman is surprised and says “Why not?” and the lesbian says “Because you’re going to like it.” Like the married woman kissing the lesbian for the first time, once you try edging, you may get hooked and find that edging becomes your favoured sexual practice. For some, it’s to the exclusion of other sexual activities.
The sexual transcendence achieved while edging can feel so powerful, that addiction is a real possibility for some. I cannot discuss edging without referring to a website called www.bateworld.com .(”Bate” is short for “masturbate”). The site is dedicated to all things masturbation and indeed, a whole culture, with its own lingo, has arisen. On the site’s polls and forums, there are some serious discussions about how “it’s never enough”, and men describe edging for hours and hours, often cancelling dates with friends or being late for work because of the draw of the “bate”. Balance, as with anything pleasurable, is key.
Is edging specifically a solo act or something that can be done with others?
Edge alone or with 100 of your closest friends! For some men I know, the power of edging grows exponentially when shared with a buddy or buddies. The sexual energy is passed back and forth and a specific type of bonding can occur, as two men watch each other engage in an activity that is most often done in private. Every man masturbates, but it’s too often seen as a poor substitute for what others would call “the real thing” (penetrative sex). There are jack off clubs throughout the world in which masturbation is indeed the real thing, the main thing. On www.bateworld.com , there is a distinct sense of community, a brotherhood or fraternity, if you will. The men there know and respect the power of their cock, and celebrate the same in other men of all orientations.
Edging alone is preferred by many who might feel inhibited by others watching. Edging implies letting go of inhibitions, letting go and becoming deeply connected to yourself, your cock, the universe, your sexuality. For many, this is a private journey. Because edging is mastering the art of sexual self-control, an edging experience with a group probably won’t be successful the first time. It takes a lot of practice, and the visual ‘bate fuel’ provided by other men edging would be too much for the novice.
In your experience, what are the main draws of edging?
My anecdotal experience has taught me that people who edge are people who place great importance on their sexuality in a way that doesn’t necessarily depend on a partner being present. This is a gift a person can give to themselves regardless of income, status, age, gender or orientation. Edging requires time, and setting aside time to edge is like setting aside time to have a date with yourself. Sometimes, we edgers speak of entering the “batehole”. The batehole is that point in the “bate” where you get lost in the sexual sensations and experience the divine. To experience in your sexuality the divine can also be terrifying! The power of our sexuality can feel overwhelming, consuming. When you edge, you are literally going to the edge of desire. I’ve had edging sessions where, when I finally came, I felt like I had been on another plane entirely and have to ease back into the so-called real world again. And after coming, when I come up for air, so to speak, and reflect on the internal journey I went on while edging, I’m filled with wonder at the power of sexuality and the ways that it beguiles us. I marvel at the fusion of lustful raunch and transcendent beauty. And it’s a journey that I’m only too eager to go on again!
