A topic floating on #adultsexedmonth this morning has me thinking about a very important consideration when it comes to our sex lives.
What do you expect in a sexual situation? Do any/some/most/all of you experiences meet your expectations?
This is an honesty check for all of us. I‘ll lead off: my current sex life meets some of my expectations. I do get some, a fair bit even, of my sexy hopes met. But not all.
Of course, there are reasons:
- coping with my now-middle-aged body
- my commuting/work/parenting schedules and requirements
- my partner‘s personal sexual tastes and interests
The last is most significant to me and weighs most heavily. If she‘s not into it, we don‘t do it. And course the opposite applies.
Does this leave me unsatisfied sometimes? Sure. Would I be more disappointed she participated in something she isn‘t interested in? Absolutely.
Now, there are certain things couples do do for each other, even when someone isn‘t interested. Shopping, visiting, cleaning–these compromises are understable. Sex, on the other hand, should not be a compromise. When expectations supercede choice, someone is losing their agency.
So what can you do if you have expectations and you‘re unsatisfied? Well, you can leave the relationship you‘re in and find someone more compatible. If you don‘t want to end your relationship, you can cheat. Dang, those two options are rather negative.
How about this: open your relationship to a surrogate. Now, the whole idea of an open relationship is pretty challenging, but maybe it won‘t be if there are specific limits and boundaries.
So, I‘ll bring this back around to the #adultsexedmonth conversation. Let‘s say you‘re a man who really likes cumming in your partner‘s mouth. Your partner isn‘t interested. This is where another option can come into play: hire a sex worker who will swallow a load. Or even find a specific friend who shares your interest. If you and your partner can get into this, you might reduce strain in your relationship.
For those not willing to look outside, not willing to cheat, no willing to leave…here’s an option: get off on respect. Guilt, coercion and shaming will hurt your partner. If that person absolutely will not participate in what you want, masturbate and fantasize about that act and when you cum, get an extra little boost out of the pleasure of being understanding an compassionate.
