How did you get into BDSM?
Really, there doesn’t seem to be a time when I wasn’t interested in ropes, handcuffs, uniforms and the like. I was a club kid in London during the high times of raves and flowed from rave culture to Gothic to BDSM. I feel at home in BDSM; the culture and world suit me and elicit the best in me.
In my mid-teens I was introduced to Madame Severine of Paris, who offered me an apprenticeship to learn the fine art of becoming a professional dominatrix.
I have never looked back and count my experiences within the realm of BDSM as the kiln which forges my very being.
Does your dominant spirit come through in all parts of your life?
At this point in my life, I can definitely state with conviction that being honest and clear-cut, polite, firm, clear-headed, disciplined, confident, healthy, bold and forward-thinking are the dominatrix qualities that I bring into everyday life. I see BDSM as the guidebook for my life and follow it accordingly in all aspects. It makes life more relaxed and pleasant as a result. “Vincit qui se vincit” is how I conduct myself. “She who conquers conquers herself” reflects the self-discipline that I love and which is necessary to be a professional dominatrix.
What is the first instruction you give to a new client who desires to be your sub?
Upon being introduced to a potential client, there is a verification of the person’s bonafides. Next is a brief pre-interview, followed by a more extensive interview. Once that is complete, the client is notified that they are accepted or rejected.
As to retaining a personal submissive, the potential submissive is interviewed and tested to ascertain what their standards are, put through their paces as it were.
One of the most instructive instructions given to a potential submissive is to have them serve a glass of water with ice, poured straight from a pitcher. This very simple activity reveals much as to character.
How did you come to writing erotica?
There has not been a time when I was not writing. The storytelling process, of weaving characters and elements has held enormous fascination for me always. With erotica, I find that I enjoy writing stories that are more than skin deep. Erotica is the marriage of mind and body, of imagination and sensuality.
Can you describe for us your role as a BDSM stylist?
There are many fashion stylists available, but my interpretation of style is based upon clean lines, simple yet effective accessories and flattering draping. BDSM is very body-conscious and yet there is a freedom of expression within those parameters that encompasses a wide swath of humanity. My BDSM Pinterest board reflects this sensibility.
Where is BDSM in society, post 50 Shades?
First, let me say that I am firmly against associating 50 Shades with BDSM. In my workshops and classes I do reference it as it is a cultural phenomenon. In NO way, shape or form is it BDSM, however. It is a romance novel with a bit of spanking. In my humble opinion, 50 Shades has brought a salivating, titillated crowd to the arena of BDSM but has not prepared them for the spectacle within.
In other words 50 Shades has vocabulary but no meaning or depth. Quite frankly I am unclear as to why 50 Shades of Grey is such a cultural touchstone as ancient Greece, Rome, India, China, Japan, Africa etc practised and enjoyed BDSM. BDSM is as old as time and those in contemporary culture who don’t study, learn about it and live it inflict more harm than good.
Where is BDSM in society? Right where it always has been: in the hands of those who respect and practise it or in the hands of those looking for the slick pound or the quick thrill.
Are there any aspects of the culture you would like to see changed?
One of the things I have noticed during a brief hiatus of being a professional dominatrix is that there seems to be a definite degrading of the standards, especially in the area of politeness, a refinement of manners which is ingrained within BDSM. Of course, this has always been true but it appears that there is an increase of people calling themselves a dominant but not properly carrying out the duties and responsibilities of such a title.
Of course, the considerable influence of the Internet and the attendant rise in pornography have further eroded the traditional standards. This I accept as inevitable and why I am quite select in accepting clients. Far too many throng forth, ready to spend time with a “dominatrix” when what they truly want is a bit of the whip and then sex.
One of the most glaring dropping of standards is that too many fail to distinguish professional dominatrix activities from lifestyle dominatrix activities. Pornography does not distinguish this difference and thus the masses remain ignorant that such a distinction exists.
Who is your BDSM inspiration?
Grace Jones. Bette Davis. Eartha Kitt. Marlene Dietrich. Pam Grier. Barbara Bain. Tamara Dobson. The Female Cenobite/Sister Nikoletta from “Hellraiser”. RuPaul Charles. Wonder Woman. Go-Go from Kill Bill. Batman.
What types of workshops and sex education do you offer?
“Mistress Raeven’s Travelling Karnival Kabaret” is my collection of work and includes:
Currently I have a residency at Momoya Chelsea (NYC) doing a “BDSM and Sushi” series of weekly interactive discussions where those interested in going beyond 50 Shades can do so in a relaxed, entertaining and informative way.
I also have a residency at The Stonewall Inn NYC where I do a BDSM Kabaret of music, erotica and a demonstration.
The workshops I offer are varied. The BDSM ones involve how to begin in BDSM, power control, tops v. bottoms, creating involving scenarios etc.
The sex education workshops that I offer involve honest and direct advice on relationships given in a round-table style over lunch or tea. These are called “Keep Calm Sweetie Darling” and are gratifyingly popular.
Additionally, I publish a twice-weekly sex advice column, The Crimson Chronicles.
For information and bookings: mistressraeven@gmail.com
What can we look forward to seeing from you in the future?
Currently, I am about to launch a roving sex education show next month. Other plans include an Internet video show, attending several of the upcoming BDSM conferences, creating a series of BDSM events, a bootcamp, publishing a book of original erotica and of course, increasing my client list for private sessions. Who knows? Perhaps a visit to The Jenny McCarthy Show is in store in the near future…:)
I live each day with the idea of “have crop, will travel” firmly in mind.
