I think I get the point of what the excellent Marty Klein (so annoyed I could not go to his talk in town last week) is getting at, though I find this piece about virginity at marriage a bit confusing and convoluted.
Basically, having a successful relationship requires open communication. And that includes frank and honest discussion about sex, sexual history, sexual expectations and the potential for some sexual fluidity as you grow together.
Personally, I don’t think this argument needed to be framed in the context of virginity until marriage. Many of the issues raised seem much heavier than a disappointing wedding night. If the troubled couple are focussing so much on that event as the catalyst for 20 years of marital distress then the were, indeed, doomed from the get-go.
The concept of saving yourself is so ridiculous to me. It isn’t about being pure for your future lifemate, it is about your parents getting the best price for you! Surely some of the very high-sounding 85% of marriages involving some level of virginity are based on a patriarchal arrangement. Here’s to hoping that might someday change.
One thing I really like is the suggestion of a bedside lamp for newlyweds. Not only for couples to see each other during sex, but so they can also look at each other as the last thing they do at night. That moment can be our most revealing and honest time.
http://vivaxo.com/articles/the-pitfalls-of-virginity-until-marriage
