I am still thinking about bullying because of that brilliant video. But my thoughts have moved on to the idea of sexual bullying.
To be clear, I am not referring to sexual abuse or coercion here—those are two other real and tragic issues. Instead I am thinking about reactions to sexual otherness.
Being a sexual other means to be someone who has sex differently from standard heterosexual sex. Which, depending who you talk, to could be anything from oral sex to puppy play. Because there is so much variation in sexual taste and acceptance, and it is fluid, sexual bully can, and often does happen to all of us at some point.
Some of this bullying takes place on a societal level. Despite 50 Shades, people in the BDSM community are still the most frequently mocked with frequent representations in film and television that denigrade that culture.
In general, film and television use sexual otherness as a comedic trope, a fallback device to represent an awkward situation. Talk shows trot fetishists out to get desired gasps and nervous tittering all the time. Even documentary or reality shows about sexual communities usually present a “look at the freaks” portrayal. It is no wonder that most people do not want to come out with their sexual identities—they are bullied by the world at large not to.
But even moreso challenging might be coming out to sexual or life partners. If your ultimate desire is to get pissed on while wrapped in plastic, it would be nice to think your partner will listen and accept, or, politely decline if that desire is not shared. All to often the opposite happens. All too often the negative reaction ranges from from a scrunched up nose to outright dersion and hostility. Shaming, name-calling, mocking—bullying—all of these happen.
So where can we go from here? Is sexual bullying inevitable? Humans are not, sadly, particularly understanding about differences. However, it could be argued, that we are becoming more sexually open and understanding. Without a doubt, any advances that are happening can definitely be attribited to the work of gay rights pioneers and activists. Talk about sexual bullying! Queers have, and continue to experience the most harsh and consistent sexual bullying of any group. These activists have changed so much for all others.
So, whatever your kink, your fetish, your perversion, your preference—travel through your sex with the seemingly contradictory goals of pride and caution. I do think we’re changing, societally and individually, bit it isn’t an instant process. Seek out likeminded souls for care and support. When you can, flag your hanky with a smile. And all the while, whatever happens, hold on.
