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| Photos by Andre Scott |
“I think women would benefit from talking more honestly and sincerely with their other women friends, sharing information, sharing stories and growing from them, relates Jasmine Aziz, retired vibrator seller and author of the novel Sex & Samosas. “The concept of masturbation is still taboo, and until that is eradicated and the stigma of self-pleasure is removed, I believe in continuing to educate women about the importance of taking control of their own sexuality.”
Sex & Samosas is a tale many women can relate to. Leena is in a loving but dull marriage. She experiences some sexual pleasure with her husband, but has never had an orgasm. Her mother is a strong, bossy presence in her life who reflects traditional South Asian values. Past experiences and current malaise have left her uncomfortable with her body and floundering sexually. But things change for Leena when she attends a sex party. When the buffet of sexual pleasure is laid out to her, Leena takes steps to improve her life—sexual and otherwise.
Drawing on her past experience as a sex party hostess, the seed for the novel was planted before she quit the sex party biz. “Before I hung up my crotchless panties and traded in my batteries for real currency, I did a Bollywood Bachelorette party. At that party I met 16 women who were all born 2nd generation Canadian with parents who had old world South Asian views. I ranted about how difficult it is to live in two cultures never sure of how to function in either. I said that because you’re brown, your parents think that you’re one mission in life is to get married and have children and your Western friends think you should know everything about the Kama Sutra. That night, I talked with every single one of those women privately about the struggle to find balance between these two mindsets.”
The influence of Leena’s mother and a more traditional South Asian culture is strong throughout Sex & Samosas. For many woman from socially conservative backgrounds, accepting sexuality into their lives is a difficult and potentially dangerous prospect. Jasmine sees these stereotypes breaking down and people are “learning that even though you may be a part of a few cultures, your own sense of self is the result of taking time to figure out what matters to you, what motivates you and what turns you on, not just sexually but spiritually and emotionally as well.”
Taking charge of your sexual self can be an intimidating process. Jasmine wanted to convey important information to readers in the novel, but at the same time she wanted it to be accessible—something that people can read on the bus.
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| Photos by Andre Scott |
Throughout Leena’s journey to sexual awakening, she experiences many difficult and embarrassing situation. Just as in real life, there are times when she laughs and times when she cries. Jasmine writes of these with both tender care and wild humour. Including this perspective was important to Jasmine. “I’ve never been in bed and not found myself laughing my head off. Wait, that sounds bad. I’ve been in bed and had someone laugh at me. No, wait, that sounds worse. The fact is, I have lived through some very hard times in my life and without humour, I would never have survived with most of my sanity in tact. I believe you need to laugh at everything in life, and being able to relax and joke in bed only enhances things in my opinion. It’s a different kind of endorphin rush and just as valuable.”
Even though she imparts so much fantastic advice in Sex & Samosas, it seemed only fitting that I ask Jasmine what one piece of advice she could give women. She affirms that it is key for women to understand themselves before getting into a relationship with someone else. “ If you understand how your body works, and can enjoy it and respect it, then you will naturally bring that same level of respect and love to your partner. Putting the onus on someone else to make us happy, to wait for someone to “complete” us is a mistake and a fantasy that only leaves us feeling worse about ourselves.”
