This week’s Sex Stories We Love on Kinkly is a misnomer. We do not love this story, not one bit. The travesty that is the Brock Turner sexual assault conviction dominated the sexual world and, in a rare instance, became the only sex story I could write about this week. It is also a very strong teachable moment, to continue our theme of #AdultSexEdMonth. It is rape culture and we all need to learn about it and help to destroy it.
HAPPY PRIDE MONTH TORONTO!!!
On my next Sex City, we will welcome some of Toronto’s most beloved queer community institutions into the studio to tell us about the amazing events they’ve got going on for the now month-long festival of queer culture!
On TUESDAY June 7, I will welcome some awesome folks to the Sex City studios at 11PM ET on 89.5FM in the Toronto area and CIUT.FM streaming live!
- Evalyn Parry is the Artistic Director of Buddies in Bad Times Theatre which will be presenting their annual QUEER PRIDE 2016 extravaganza
- Michael Erickson of Glad Day Bookshop will tell us about PROUD VOICES 2016
- Fatima Mechtab of Oasis Aqualounge will give us a peek at the many different PRIDE FESTIVITIES the club will be hosting (and be ready to call in for a chance at a special prize!)
Tune in, 11pm – midnight on TUESDAY JUNE 7 to CIUT 89.5FM in the Toronto area or stream live online!
June has become a very exciting time for people who love exploring sex, taking about sex, considering sex in new ways and teaching about sex. A few years back, the initiative #AdultSexEdMonth was started by the incomparable Bobbie Morgan to explore the ways we can take sex and sex education for adults further. Unfortunately, we lost Bobbie last autumn, but a number of sex bloggers, including Kinkly Cara Sutra, want her legacy to live on in this important endeavour. So bring it on!
June’s selections in Sex Stories We Love will be collections of writings, articles and posts that encompass the ideals of #AdultSexEdMonth. Bobbie and I shared this column for over year and I can’t think of a better way to remember her.
Check out this month’s Sex Stories We Love on Kinkly including stories on Some Folks Learn…Some Folks Don’t, 40+ Frisky, No Butts About It, STI 411, Kink Doesn’t Bite, Favourited/Liked/Shared, and And Finally…
James Brown sang about a sex machine and it was commonly assumed that was a person. Right now, after many goes with the Vorze Cyclone…I think James was predicting the future. THIS is the sex machine for people with penises. Get on the scene with this sex machine!
The craving for more and better is pretty ingrained in our world—even our sex lives. This month’s addition to the Seven Deadly Sex Sins series on Cara Sutra explores sexual envy. Do you crave the people you see other folks having fun with? Does the thought of your lover’s past partners drive you to distraction?
Check out Is the Ass Greener on the Other Side?
Past posts in the series
I’m not going to say this is a big problem, but it certainly posed a challenge! What do you do when technology changes a fundamental pattern of routine? What do you do when you don’t know what hand to masturbate with?
One last tug at Masturbation Month with this week’s Sex Stories We Love on Kinkly! My fingers have been happily flying across the keyboard throughout May looking for stories to share about self-pleasure, and it was nice to see there were so many! Great job folks! Let’s keep it up all through the year!
Check out this week’s stories on Survey Says…, Language, Please!, Never Too Late, Helping Statements, and Something New.
I wrote the following for a client, but it was ultimately rejected. The client and I both made mistakes and misunderstood things. That I can accept. I cannot accept insults. So, I’m putting this here because I want it published. Somewhere. Today.
Who says we should grow out of playing with toys? Why would we want to when playthings just get better and better as we grow up! Sex toys have become a great way for everybody to truly realize their sexual potential and experience all of the amazing feelings and sensations our bodies are capable of.
One of the biggest concerns people have when exploring the world of sex toys is that there is so much to discover. There are so many sex toys out there, it can be a little intimidating to try and find one you will love. It’s okay, we’re here to help! Check out this guide to some of the most popular and common sex toy types ready for your pleasure.
Did you know that vibrators were first invented as a medical device? It’s true! Doctors believed that bringing women to orgasm would cure hysteria—a catch-all description of countless symptoms (physical, psychological, social) that women have to deal with. Not a bad, idea, really, because sex and climax can really take your mind of your troubles! Well, doctors got tired of doing this manually, and thus was born the vibrator!
Nowadays, women are taking their health into their own hands, understanding that many women do not orgasm from penetration. So, there is a wide variety of different vibrators to suit our many different sexual needs. When shopping for your new sex toy, consider the various options available:
- classic vibrators focus on the clitoris and vulva
- rabbit vibrators combine a penetrating dildo and a buzzy external attachment
- G-spot vibrators are specially curved to reach your special spot
- wands pack a lot of power into their vibrating vavoom
- bullets focus directly on clitoral stimulation, but can be added to other toys for increased sensation
…and many others! There is so much variety in vibrator design!
The Big Why
Everybody gets turned on by different things and sex toys are diverse for this specific reason—to meet everybody’s desires. Some vibrators are specifically designed to stimulate the clitoris and potentially some of the surrounding area, while others combine with enhanced design and features to hit your different hot spots. Vibration can even be added to other toys, with rabbit and G-spot vibrators being among the favourites. A vibrator would be a good choice over a dildo, for instance, if you specifically want vibration (with the potential of added penetration). You will find that many sex toys have overlapping abilities, but it is great to find toys that do exactly what you want in specific moments.
Even though each vibrator is unique in performance, there are some common features that will be important to consider as you explore:
- Speeds: Vibrators can perform at many different speeds. Some offer only one, will others offer many. And they can offer everything from a gentle hum to a wild rumble. One trick to determine the type of vibration you might enjoy is to turn the vibe on and touch it to the tip of your nose. It sounds kind of silly, but it can give you an idea of how strong or soft you need your toy to buzz.
- Patterns: Another feature of some vibrators is the different ways they can vibrate. Not all feature this, but those that do often offer patterns that increase and decrease in intensity, speed up and down, turn off and on at different intervals and many more.
- Power supply: There are three main types of power supply for vibrators, and each has advantages and disadvantages. Some of the more powerful vibes need to actually be plugged into the wall outlet. This is great because it ensures a continuous power supply until you are worn out. Unfortunately, it might limit where and how you use your toy, or require an extra extension cord. The most popular way to put the buzz in your vibrator is with batteries. These toys can be taken—and used—anywhere. Their downside is that first time you get partway through some sexy fun and your batteries run dry—major disappointment. Also, depending how much you use it, batteries can get pretty expensive. The final type is rechargeable vibrators. These toys come with a charger that plugs into the wall, but are fully detachable. They allow the same time of freedom as battery toys, but also have the same limitation of the power running out. They are, however, much more considerate of the environment.
- Versatility: Some vibrators are specifically meant for direct contact with the clitoris, while others offer potential connectivity with other toys. Bullets, for example, can often be attached to other toys such as dildos to
The Sweet Spot
Vibrators are a fantastic solo toy or as an addition to intercourse. On your own, you can control exactly how you like to be touched by the toy. You’ll find all of your most sensitive and special spots. When added to sex, vibrators can stimulate the clitoris is amazing ways that just can’t be achieved in sex alone.
There’s a reason vibrators have been making women happy for so long!
It surprises many people to learn the rich history of vibrators, but they definitely are not the oldest sex toys in the world. Archaeologists have discovered ancient dildos made of wood and stone that date back many centuries all over the world. These finds demonstrate the important role sexual satisfaction have held in many different civilizations across history. And dildos have been a great choice to achieve those thrills for a long time.
Dildos have both changed significantly and remained the same throughout the years. As the primarily sexual toy for penetration—vaginal and anal—the we have embraced new technologies while at the same time continuing to enjoy the basic shapes and sensations dildos offer. As you imagine the erotic potential of the different dildos available, consider the following when choosing which toys will be great for you:
- realistic dildos resemble a penis, some with incredible accuracy
- dildos are available in almost any size you can image, from super small to extra large
- G-spot stimulation can be significantly increased with specifically-curved dildos
- adding your favourite dildo to a harness offers a wonderful new level of erotic potential
…and this is just the tip of what dildos can bring to your bedroom!
The Big Why
Dildos are the perfect accessory to almost any sexual soiree. They can be a personal toy enjoyed on your own during masturbation or they can be added to hot times with your partner. With the specific purpose of penetration, stimuate the deep interior of the vagina and anus, including the G-spot. They are a good choice for simulating intercourse, as opposed to vibrators, because those toys are focused on clitoral stimulation.
Unlike vibrators, dildos don’t have moving parts—unless you count the bouncy motion the make when you’re waving them around like a sword. So, in shopping for a dildo, you are mostly concerned with what it is made of and what do you want to do with it.
- Materials: Dildos have been fabricated from almost every substance in the world. From stone to wood to glass to steel to plastic to silicone, we’ve been experimenting with penetration for a long time! And you know what? You can still find most every one of these still in use. Currently, the most popular material for dildos is silicone. This wonderstuff has replaced rubbers and jellies as the go-to material for body safe and sexy products. Silicone is non-porous and hypoallergenic to provide you worry-free pleasure. It is also soft and flexible, allowing it to stimulate all of your most sensitive spots.
- Uses: When you explore the wickedly wide world of dildos you will discover that there is one for every occasion that you can think of—and many more you’ll find out about! Determining what you want to use it for will go a long way in helping you decide which one you want (right now). Realistic dildos are wonderful for those folks who enjoy the textures of a penis, or who fantasize about being penetrated by a man. Other folks aren’t turned on by that, so they might opt for fantasy or subtle designs.Of course, size is a significant consideration. Dildos come in almost every size imaginable to allow for every possible fantasy to come true. Everybody’s vulva and vagina allow different penetration abilities, so you can find the size that fits perfectly inside you. As well, if you are into anal fun, you’ll need to take that into consideration.
The Sweet Spot
Give a woman a dildo and she’ll figure out how to enjoy it in pretty short order. But what happens if you give her a dildo…and a harness? She’ll take sexual sensation to a whole new level very quickly, very happily! Harnesses are worn around the pelvis and hold a dildo in place, given women the ability to penetrate their partner—woman or man. Often called strap-ons, this gear can be ultimately exciting for both the person receiving and she who is giving. There is an element of taboo in strap-on sex, but it has become increasingly popular.
For many, coupled sex is the ultimate goal. Whether in a relationship or something more casual, finding a partner to enjoy the sensuality of another person’s body is a one of our more primal driving forces. Where would Rom-Coms be without it?
However, just in silly movies, there is a distinct disconnect that bring the ultimate ecstasy of amazing sex down a few notches. It is nothing intentional, nothing one partner is doing wrong, but men and women just have different bodies with different abilities to react sexually. And one of the most common problems couples encounter is that men orgasm far before women and she is frequently left unsatisfied. And despite what we see in movies, very few couples can achieve simultaneous orgasm.
One of the great advances in pleasure products is the increased interest in designing toys that enhance a couple’s enjoyment—not just her’s or his. These wonderful toys can be both delightfully sophisticated, such as the award-winning We-Vibe series or simple and successful, such as cock rings. They are designed to provide added sensation to her, sometimes through clitoral stimulation and sometimes with G-spot pleasure as well—while at the same time feeling pretty damn good for him too. Think of them as evening the playing field!
- Couples toys provide increased stimulation to both partners
- Cock rings add clitoral stimulation to penetration
The Big Why
Everybody wants to be considered both sexually desirable and sexually able—and coupled sex toys are a wonderful addition to helping with both. Women who are unable to reach climax with their partners during intercourse can grow to feel as if there is something wrong with them. While they might want to consider a different conversation with their partner about foreplay **link to an article**, such an emphasis is placed on the main event that frustration is bound to set in. In a different respect, this can also affect him. If he can’t last long enough or move in the right ways to help her have an orgasm, then guys tend to build up feeling of inadequacy and anxiety. Even though they might get off, that feeling can be tempered by troubled thoughts.
Added a couples toy into your sex life can do wonders for both of these situations. With their focus on clitoris pleasure coupled with penetration, she can enjoy all of the amazing sensations of being with her partner, while at the same time, receiving the right stimulation to potentially help her climax. And he gets to enjoy being with her as well, as well as aiding in increasing her arousal.
- Women’s Pleasure: We have learned that clitoral stimulation is, for some women, the primary way with which they have orgasms—as many as 70%. At the same time, many do also enjoy taking their lover’s penis inside them. So why has it taken so long to truly combine these pleasures? Well, there have been products to do this, but they’ve recently been reconsidered and brought up to new, sexy standards. Cock rings, with their mini vibrators, have been around for a long time, but have frequently been made from lesser materials and were a little bit crass. Recently, the cock ring idea has been revisited and now you can find premium toys that provide excellent pleasure when paired with hot sex!
- Mutual Pleasure: They idea of couples sex toys really took off with the release of the first We-Vibe vibration toy. Its unique shape and functionality offer two pleasure points for women—clitoral and G-spot stimulation—as well as the added bonus of an extra sensation for men. The flexible, U-shaped We-Vibe is easy to use. One end is inserted into the vagina, stimulating the G-spot and the other fits comfortably along the vulva where it reaches the clit. This, in itself, could make for some wonderfully erotic moments, however, one more element can be included. Because the We-Vibe is compact and flexible, there is plenty of room for your partner to slide his penis into you at the same time you enjoy your toy! The toy’s vibration will benefit both her and him!
The Sweet Spot
The one thing many couples strive for but often never achieve is simultaneous orgasm. It is an incredible challenge to match passions and pleasure to peak in orgasm at the same time. By introducing a couple’s sex toy to your fun, the two of you ensure that she receives all of the stimulation she needs during your lovemaking. Levelling that playing field can certainly make your coupled climax a reality.
Ask anybody to picture a sex toy in their mind and the first thing that pops up will probably be a vibrator or a dildo. These products have become intrinsically linked to sexy fun and that is great! Vibrators and dildos have both done a lot to greatly improve the sex lives of women on their own and when they play with their men.
But what about those men? Are there any sex toys out there for fellas? Absolutely there are, but you may not have heard of them because a lot of folks don’t really understand why guys need them. When it comes to sexual pleasure, men’s options have been simplified to two options: sex with a partner or sex with his own hand. This is not to say these haven’t worked well for many over the years—but there’s always room for improvement!
Male masturbators have taken the tried and true model of wrapping something around a man’s penis for stroking sensations and taken it to the next level. These soft, textured toys incorporate the many technological advances being made in sex toy materials and mechanisms to provide him with significant sexual pleasure—when used on his own or with a partner. Whether he opts for the simplicity of eggs or the more involved masturbators such as the Fleshlight, or even a motorized or vibrating model, the potential for men’s sexual pleasure has increased significantly!
- Masturbators are made from soft materials such as Cyberskin for realistic sensation
- Eggs are a great toy for travellers and long distance connection
- Motorized and interactive versions are revolutionizing pleasure
The Big Why
One of the most common myths of the differing sexual interests between men and women is that men want sex all of the time and women while women don’t want it anywhere near as much. Fortunately, we’re starting to see how this is an antiquated idea not only undermines women’s sexual desire but also demonizes men as uncontrollable sexual jerks (there’s still work to be done!). This stigma often inhibits men from exploring male sex toys. The reality is that women and men do have differing sexual needs—because we’re all individuals. Everybody has different desires and needs at different times and as we move to understanding the simple pleasure that is masturbation—and how it is a healthy activity for single and coupled folks—we gain a more healthy respect for our differing sexual needs. Male masturbators have allowed guys to embrace sexual pleasure when they want it even if their partner doesn’t.
- Eggs: A wonderfully convenient alternative to traditional masturbation and handjobs, eggs are a simple little device that bring a huge amount of pleasure. These soft, stretchy toys fit over the end of the penis, squeezing tightly. The man or his partner can then slide the toy and down his shaft bringing new sensations to a common activity. Because of their small side, eggs are a great toy for those who have to travel and can be a fantastic addition to sexy skyping or phone sex.
- Sleeves: Most types of sex toys have a hallmark product that elevates the market and brings immeasurable pleasure. For vibrators, it was the Magic Wand. For couple’s toys, it was the We-Vibe. And for masturbation sleeves, it is the Fleshlight. It may look like a flashlight you put your penis in, but it combines tremendous realistic appearance and sensation with a comfortable and easy-to-use holder. Other versions of sleeves do not use a hard shell and also feel fantastic. Sleeves can feel as close to sex with another person as anything product out there.
- Interactives: The latest trend in male masturbators is embracing and combining emergent technologies to create interactive sensation. Products such as the VStroker and Vorze are futuristic devices that interact with porn and provide the sensations seen on screen through the masturbator. Another interactive product combo, the Kiiroo not only allows interaction with porn, but it also allows connection between two users! If you and your partner are away from each other, you can connect online and then the motions you put your toys through will resonate to your partner! These technologies are developing rapidly and will definitely do much more to advance everyone’s pleasure.
The Sweet Spot
Let’s revisit the idea of differing needs at different times. Because male masturbators have advanced so far and feel so good, it is now so easy for men to achieve amazing orgasms without their partners. That doesn’t mean she can’t be involved! If a woman isn’t up for sexy fun herself but loves to watch her partner’s pleasure, a masturbator can provide sexual thrills for him and voyeuristic thrills for her!
Anal and prostate stimulators
There’s nothing better than discovering a sexy new sensation. It can take us back to those times when everything was fresh and exciting. Sex is a lifelong learning adventure and even when you think you’ve tried it all there’s always something new to experience. And one of the most popular things women and men are trying these days is anal sex!
Bum fun used to be one of those taboo acts that some people tried but was mostly shrouded in misconceptions and fears. People are worried that anal will hurt, that it will be messy, that it is somehow lesser than conventional sex. Fortunately, we’re learning more and more about the limitless pleasures of ass play and these fears are lessening. In fact, people are truly embracing anal sex as a fantastic addition to our sex lives with 40% of women having tried it!
As you explore anal fun more, you’ll see that your partner’s body doesn’t just feel great, but that there is a great variety of anal sex products to greatly increase your pleasure. And one of the best things about bum fun? Most toys can be used and loved by anybody!
- Anal toys are available in all different sizes to ensure comfort and pleasure
- Prostate stimulators for men can produce amazing orgasms and provide health benefits
- Butt plugs are a great addition to other sex activities
The Big Why
It seems funny to consider anal sex a “new” type of fun considering different cultures have been enjoying ass fun over the centuries, the ancient Greeks being the most famous. However, it was repressed in society for so long that significant stigma and shame built up and forced a truly fun activity to the fringes of pleasure. Fortunately, that stigma has lessened significantly—for some. Women are widely encouraged to pursue and enjoy anal sex but men still have to deal with questions about their sexuality if they like bum fun. The thing is, men’s and women’s bums are very similar, both are comprised of innumerable sexy nerve-endings and ready for fun! Who you are should have no bearing on the pleasure you prefer and seek and eliminating the stigmas around anal sex will open people up to amazing new sensations.
- Size: One of the biggest fears of anal sex is that it will hurt. Well, to be honest, if anal pleasure isn’t approached properly, it will! However, with preparation, care, lube and patience, you will have no problem at all getting past potential pain and progressing to pleasure! One of the best ways to do that is to begin your anal adventures with small anal toys. There are many small dildos that can help you become more comfortable with the sensation of being penetrated, allowing your body to relax and enjoy. Anal beads are also a great choice! If you love what you’re experiencing, you can increase the size of the toys until you find the size that is perfect for you!
- Adding in: Anal fun can be an amazing type of sex to have all on its own, but it can also be a fantastic addition to the other types of sex you love to have. One of the best ways to enjoy oral sex and intercourse is by adding a special toy in your bum! Butt plugs are specifically designed to be inserted into the ass and then stay there until you want to remove them. Typically cone- or ball-shaped for easy insertion, butt plugs then close to a thin shaft and a flared base. The anus closes around the thin shaft and the base keeps the toy in place. You can keep a butt plug in throughout your sexytimes, adding those sensations to all of your other fun.
- Prostate pleasure: The biggest secret in men’s sexual pleasure is the prostate. A small gland most easily accessible through the anal cavity, the prostate adds essential fluid to semen when men ejaculate. It is also one of the most pleasurable parts on the male body. Many people, even men, do not know of the sexual potential of the prostate, however, stroking the prostate can produce some of the most intense orgasms a man will ever experience. It is even possible for guys to climax with just prostate stimulation! There is another benefit as well. Prostate stimulation also improves men’s sexual health by ensuring prostatic fluids are regularly expelled from the body. Because the prostate is a little tricky to get at, specially designed prostate massagers allow easy access to this special spot. They feature a specific curve and distinct head to rub the sensitive glad just right.
The Sweet Spot
Anal toys are one of the best ways to enjoy a long, languid sensual experience with your partner. Because it is essential to take your time with anal pleasure, taking turns slowly massaging, stroking and penetrating your partner’s ass—while waiting to touch their penis or vulva—can be an amazing tease. That tease could lead to more ass fun or then progress to delighting other parts of your bodies. You’ll discover wonderful new sensations and also establish a new closeness with your partner. Sure, anal is becoming more acceptable, but it still has a twinge of the taboo and you two can explore and discover together.
Can you tell yet that I love Masturbation Month? I’m so happy to share as many stories and stats and articles as I can get my hand on. And this week’s Sex Stories We Love on Kinkly focuses on the different devices we use for digital delight.
Check out stories on Recognizing Magic, Necessity is the…, Own your Own, Sex or Stroke? and Masturbation Menage.
May is one of my favourite times of the year for sex writing—because masturbation is one of my favourite topics! This week’s Sex Stories We Love on Kinkly is again dedicated to the many ways self-pleasure touches our lives.
Check out stories on Touching on So Much, At Any Age, A How-to?, Uh, Everyone?, End Shame for Girls and Is That Your Longsword?.
Masturbation Month is in full swing! With The Rise of Penis Pleasure Devices I delve into the growing market of sex toys and aids that are designed for dick desire. I’ve been lucky enough to test and review many and, oh boy, they are gettin’ good! Check it out!
This week’s Sex Stories We Love on Kinkly kicks off Masturbation Month in style with a full complement of self-love goodness. Check out stories on Highway to Hell?, Solo for Science, Rubber Duckie, You’re the One, Self Service!, Tried It, Loved It! and Presidential Material.