A Long-Overdue Update on Sex in Words

I feel like I’ve let people down—those of you who are still here.

Over the past few months, I’ve gone from updating Sex in Words a number of times a day to barely at all. I used to fill it with sex news, calls for submissions, sexy events, erotica, sex interviews and sex writing.

But now I’m not. There are reasons, but the achiever in me has a hard time reconciling.

To begin, there are practical reasons. I used to be able to do a lot of updating while at my day job. Alas, they blocked my site (how rude!). I was just getting into using my wee tablet to update at work when I had to send it into the shop for repairs and I am still awaiting it’s return.

Of course, I don’t just take time at work! But home has been busy and chaotic. Mostly good, but some challenges. With two teenage children, this is sure to be the case. One has been having some significant issues lately that we’ve been having to deal with between our two homes. This has put a particular strain on my ability to focus on blog posts and, well, my time.

Speaking of time and the monkeys, I’ve formerly been able to use my early, early mornings to get a lot done. One of the kids is a competitive swimmer who has practice at 5am 4-5 times a week. I drive her to these practices, then I have an hour or more to do my work before going to the day job. I recently hit the ripe age of 41 and combining that with winter and the slightly active lifestyle I choose of using my bike for part of my commute…well…my body is feeling a bit broken. I am not a good sleeper, so it feels I never recover.

Some professional difficulties have also been very draining. The situation with the Secrets of the Sex Masters book last fall took a lot out of me. It was one thing to realize and confront my own inability to notice the whitewashing of sexuality that book presented (though a revised edition is coming soon). But at around the same time, we encountered significant issues in the Sex City crew, with one person—a host and our technician—choosing to leave. As producer, I have the responsibility to deal with issues and help out hosts. This situation involved attacks on me because I tried to create a fair and balanced space for our whole group. In some ways I regret losing this person, but in others, it was a relief.

But, in losing a person who holds two roles, that means two roles need filling. First a technician, and I was relieved CIUT found us a new person very quickly who already has some skills and is learning Sex City’s needs rapidly. That is a relief. Next was finding a host—but also filling shifts during that time. As a result, I’ve done shows every other week since the beginning of January. Normally, this wouldn’t be a big deal except I start Tuesdays at 4:45am…stay awake until 1am Wednesday, get back up at 4:45am and then try to make it through the day until I get home from the day job around 7:30.

It has been draining, but we have a fantastic new host and, I think, the best Sex City crew in a long time. And to top it off, I was invited to bring Sex City to CatalystCon and will be recording two special episodes at the event.

And, like most everyone else, money is always a difficulty. Those ends don’t always meet when you’re pursuing your desires and when others rely and depend on you.

At the same time, it hasn’t been all doom, gloom and difficult times. I have also had to step back from Sex in Words because Best Sex Writing of the Year (formerly Best Sex Writing 2015) is going to release soon! My first book! This is wonderfully exciting! I’ve been working on the site for that, preparing marketing needs, possible travel plans. If you’re not seeing me much here, please do follow only there on Twitter and Facebook. I’ve also been lucky enough to receive a few paid writing gigs along the way. These have been tremendously helpful.

I really don’t consider this bad times. Difficult? Yes. Challenging? Yes. But most importantly, they are learning times. I think I’ve learned to be a better producer of Sex City. I’ve learned to be a better parent. I constantly learning to be a better partner. I’m learning to understand and respect that my body has different needs than it did 20 years ago when I got into hardcore DIY.

So, what I’m asking is for you to please stick with me. This space will continue to grow and evolve. I don’t know how and what shape it will take, but this will always be a space for news and education, excitement and thrills when it comes to sex.


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