Introducing I Married a Sex God
It is hard to imagine that someone described as monogamous and married is in a minority. Society has pushed us all to this model, but in the sex blogger world Marie Franklin stands out as unique for these traits in the sex blogging community. She also stands out for her fantastic writing, tremendous research and invaluable insights on sex and sexuality.
How did you get into sex blogging?
I love writing about sex and sexuality. I was looking for a fun writing project when 50 Shades of Grey became popular and I thought to myself, “My real sex life is SO much better than that…I wonder if people would read about it? What would I even write?“ I decided to write about my sex life as an example of real people who have a fantasy sex life together. My thinking was,“Hey, all you sex-loving readers, you can do this yourself at home!” I want to spread the idea that it is healthy to want to have an excellent sex life. Great sex doesn’t just happen in fiction, and I’m the proof. I took a chance and wrote a few posts, and people actually did start reading it.
In the beginning I blogged about our particular kinks, but now I also write about a lot of other fun, sex positive stuff, including my own sexual theories, humorous rants and book reviews.
When did you realize your fella is a sex god?
It wasn’t immediate. We dated for a bit and went slowly in getting sexual. But long before we had sex, I knew just by his hand on my leg or on the small of my back that there was something very delicious in his touch. We talked a lot about sex and dating and other topics on those early dates. I asked him questions about his preferences, his background, his experiences. He was always scarce on details involving other people (he doesn’t kiss and tell), but he shared his thoughts on sex and his own sexuality very openly. He confidently explained that he’s an extremely sexual person, and he would shrug and say “I’m just naturally good at sex, I guess” with a (believe it or not) very humble smile.
After we had sex a few times and it was AWESOME every time, I knew I had snagged me a Sex God. And it has just gotten better over time because we’ve been able to unpack our kink with each other. It seems we both have magic Mary Poppins style carpet bags full of kinky ideas to try out together.
You write and focus on married/monogamous sex. Why do you think there aren’t many sex blogs focusing on this type of relationship?
Good blogs tend to be more progressive, so right now in the sex blogging community this means blogs about the poly world, more extreme kink and sex work are on the cutting edge. Married, monogamous sex just doesn’t sound like something fun to read about compared to those topics. But I’m finding that being married to a Sex God and brazenly stating this fact makes people curious about what else I might have to say.
The other day the Italian version of Wired Magazine did this feature on Kinkly’s Sex Blogger Superhero Contest: http://www.wired.it/play/cultura/2014/10/08/top-sex-blogging-superhero/
The author looked at Kinkly’s sex blogger directory and picked few blogs from it to post as samples. Mine was one of them. Here’s what they wrote about it:
“I Married a Sex God: Is the diary of a devoted wife in her blog that explores the wonders of marital sex. No filthy pics or explicit language. Yawn.”
Ha! I had to laugh! You might think I would be insulted, but I actually thought it was cute. And I got lots of hits from that article because people were curious enough to take a look for themselves.
Kinky, partnered sex is also a significant part of your blog. Do you think it is different in partnered relationships?
I do, but I think the partner is the key, not the monogamy or love or marriage. Early sexual encounters between specific people can be excellent, but there is so much self and other exploration you can do if you can have access to the same sex partner’s body and mind over and over. After years with a sex partner you can fulfill long term sexual goals and escapades. I don’t think these partners have to be monogamous or in love, they just need sexual compatibility and time together. Some people could do this with more than one long term partner concurrently.
But in my relationship, love + monogamy + marriage added a new whole dimension to our kink. We have each other’s trust, time, and willingness to go really deep into the Fun House. We can create long running sexual characters, schemes and dramas, because we’ve got our whole lives to live them out. Some of our kink requires money, tools and shop time. These things are easier (and sexier!) to do at home as a team.
What other parts of the sex community are currently under-represented in the sex blogging world?
I wish the disabled community had more representation, as well as little people and other people who have different bodies and abilities. It is sad that disabled and different people are avoided and feared and stared at. I think it makes people fear what our bodies can end up like to really look at disabled and different bodies. But this fear can be lifted with more exposure and understanding. Little people have been fetish-ized, but not humanized in the sex community, which is regretful. I bet there are some fascinating things to know about little people’s sexuality and would I like to hear those voices in the sex blogging community. And disabled people have a lot to teach us about determination and imagination to find solutions to sexual problems.
What other sex blogs are you reading?
Yours, A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind, Little Shop of O’s, Mona Darling and Kinkly. Good stuff! I love the variety of good articles on each.
How did you come up with your Sexual Proclivity Scale?
I’ve spent a lot of years studying relationships and sex. There are many relationships that are sexless, or one or both partners are not sexually fulfilled. In books and discussions about sexless or sexually mismatched relationships, people are considered either High Drive (HD) or Low Drive (LD).
But just HD and LD are not enough categories to have a meaningful discussion about how sexual people are and how differentthey can be. So I took the concept around HD and LD but expanded on them and created my scale, going from asexual to hypersexual, with several other choices in between, including HD and LD (in different terms). My scale is much more representative of the variations that occur, and now I can use it as a discussion tool for blog posts like this one. I’ve found that most people know where they land on my scale just by looking at it.
Since you’ve come up and refined it, do you quietly try to place people on it based on your interactions with them?
Yes…and I do this by an intuitive process I call Sex-dar. Most highly sexual people are very tuned in to the sexual vibe of those around them. Because I’m monogamous, I’m now totally clinical about any reading I pick up with my Sex-dar about people. When I wasn’t monogamous, I could use my Sex-dar to find other highly sexual people for sex and relationships. This is how highly sexual people find each other in the wild.
Sex-dar can be linked to your personal mutual attraction with others, or it can just be a tool for knowing people so you can relate to them better. It is a skill most people can develop with practice. But I don’t mean we should be looking around and ranking everyone all the time or expecting things from them based on how we rank them. It is not a creeper tool, it is a skill that can be used to know people better.
What can we look forward to from you in the future?
I’m going to start working on some research and then put together at least one book about sexuality in general, and possibly a separate book about kinky monogamy with some of the more juicy details of our lifestyle that I haven’t shared yet. I’m also hoping to talk the Sex God into doing some fun instructional videos with me, like a demonstration of how to safely slam someone up against the wall or throw them down on the bed. And he has some excellent ideas for sex furniture and props we are working on for possible production. Stay tuned!