Introducing A Sexy Woman of a Certain Age
Blogs are a great way for people of marginalized communities—particularly sexual communities—to express their needs, wants, desires, distain, frustration and more. Erica Jagger of A Sexy Woman of a Certain Age has come to express herself and speak to many other mid-life women. About their sexuality, their experiences and their place in sexual communities. Her combination of stunning visuals and expert writing is tremendous.
How did you get into sex blogging?
I had blogged under a different pen name, on a totally different subject, for three years, and felt that I’d said most of what I wanted to say on that subject. So I asked myself what else I was really passionate about, and sex was at the top of the list! As a 51-year-old woman, I was frustrated with the cultural belief that midlife women are invisible creatures who no longer care about sex, so I set about to refute that. My blog isn’t solely focussed on sex—it really examines sex as it pertains to midlife women in the context of our culture. I also intended the blog to be a way of building a fan base for erotic fiction, but I’m having so much fun with the blog that I haven’t gotten around to writing a book! Some day…
What are some of the key things you have learned about yourself as you blog and write?
This blog has done so much for me personally. It has made me feel much more powerful as a woman, in ways that go way beyond sexual. It’s enabled me to tackle issues that are hugely important to me, and I think to many women: ageism, slut-shaming, the struggle to redefine oneself. The positive response from readers and bloggers I admire has been immensely rewarding, because I’m not just writing for myself; I want my blog to mean something. I’ve realized that the actual writing is just part of what I enjoy about having the blog; posting erotic images, branding, ideas I have for expanding what the blog is currently offering—all of this is exciting and empowering.
What are some of the challenges you encounter when sex blogging?
Riding the line between “R” and “X” since I want to keep the blog relatively mainstream, as sex blogs go. Figuring out when to push the envelope and when to pull back. This is particularly an issue when deciding what photos to post. My last round of photos involved BDSM scenes and I’m very sensitive to the recent cultural conversations around violence against women, especially after the Ray Rice debacle. It’s easy to confuse consensual D/S roleplay with being in a sexual/abusive dynamic where you’re coerced. It’s something I’ve been grappling with lately: do sex bloggers have an ethical obligation to tailor editorial and pictorial content so as not to trigger abuse victims? This gets into censorship and is really a slippery slope.
Your work is inspiring for boomer women—a group widely thought of as “non-sexual.” What is the best feedback you’ve received from someone you have affected?
All the e-mails I’ve gotten from midlife women telling me how much they relate to my story—a sexual awakening after years of sexual repression in unhappy marriages. There are A LOT of us out there. Many of these women feel shame and judgment about their sexuality, so my blog gives them support and permission to enjoy their sex lives and their bodies. Surprisingly, I get a fair amount of e-mail from men who have also struggled with sexual shame, and they read my blog for some of the same reasons as women.
Photos are a significant part of your blog. How do you plan and execute them?
Well, I have a few categories of photos, all of which fall under the boudoir/erotic category. One category is my Boomer Boudoir Babe series, which feature boudoir photos of other midife women. I age-discriminate—no one under 50! My other photos are from my own boudoir collection, which includes couples boudoir. The first series I just planned around lingerie/outfits, and the second series was much more choreographed, since it involved two men. I spent a lot of time on Pinterest and Tumblr loooking at erotic photos and “scenes” which gave me ideas for the couples shoot—which was actually a “threesome” shoot since it involved two men. What’s fun is that I end up cropping a lot of photos to create a different vibe. I had no idea how integral the photos would be to my blog, and I have to give a shout-out to my photographer Inez Lewis, who specializes in erotic photography.
What one piece of advice about sex do you have for other boomer woman?
Do NOT internalize cultural messages that you are a dried-up, invisible crone. Sexuality is much more about confidence than dewy skin and firm breasts. On the other hand, if you feel pressure to maintain a level of sexuality that is burdensome, and midlife is a time where you feel you can let that go, that’s a perfectly valid choice. It’s really about doing what’s right for you, not adhering to some rigid cultural narrative.
Who are your blogging inspirations?
Oh, wow. So many. Elle Chase is a huge inspiration; her Tumblr gave me permission to like porn. She’s so smart, and blasts the notion that sexually charged women aren’t intelligent. I love Bobbie Morgan of A Good Woman’s Dirty Mind; she has done so much in terms of educating the public about adult sex. She is also incredibly supportive of other sex bloggers and she’s part of the reason my blog took off as quickly as it did; she was very generous about promoting it. And, really, all the midlife bloggers have inspired me, particularly Joan Price, Walker Thornton, William Quincey Belle, Pamela Madsen, you. I learn so much from everyone.
Lingerie is one of the categories on your blog—what is your personal favourite?
Yikes, I don’t know if I can answer that, there is so much fantastic lingerie out there. If I had the budget, I’d wear Agent Provacteur, but it’s way too pricey for me, so I have to settle for admiring it from afar. I’m a huge fan of Cosabella thongs, and have a ton of them; they’re sexy, comfortable, and hold up well. I have a fantastic black-and-white corset from Victoria’s Secret, I’m wearing it in a lot of my photos. Betsey Johnson makes terrific, everyday bras; they fit well, are not overly padded, and are affordable. And I have to give a shout-out to Lingerie Diva, who donated the gorgeous purple chemise I wore in my last shoot; that fit like a dream.
What can we look forward to from you in the future?
I’d love to publish a book that combines erotic photos with short erotica, all of and by boomer women. Also, I’d like to write an erotic romance fiction trilogy featuring a midlife heroine, because when do we ever see that? I’d really love to develop a line of lingerie that would appeal to older women. I’m committed to serving the interests of boomer women; we rarely see ourselves reflected well in the media, and I want to change that.