The Hook-up: Kink & Poly

Introducing Kink & Poly

Sometimes we forget that writers aren’t always writing for us. Some, like Jade of Kink & Poly, are writing to explore their own worlds, their own thoughts and their own truths.

We are lucky that Jade let’s us share that exploration.

How did you get into sex blogging?
I’ve always journaled, first on paper and then, with the advent of LiveJournal (and later WordPress.com and then with my own domain, KinkandPoly.com), online. I had always been deeply introspective, and writing was my way of making sense of myself and my world. In the early days I wrote mainly about my daily and inner life and relationships; then, when my ex and I decided to explore kink and poly relationships, I used online journaling as a way to both chronicle our explorations and to reach out to others who were on the same journey. Although I touched on the sexual aspects of what we did, I was not yet comfortable sharing everything with the outside world, and in particular with my real-life friends who knew about and read my online journal.

Writing explicitly and intimately about my sex and kink life didn’t happen until I met my current kink partner. My ex had been reticent about me sharing personal details online, but with W (my kink partner) it was the complete opposite. I had always liked writing about sex, and suddenly I had my own sexual experiences I wanted to write about, as well as a partner that got off on it too. He loved that I blogged about our sex life, both as a tool for communication and because it fed our kink as an act of exhibitionism. I discovered that exposing myself that way—emotionally and in explicit sexual detail—was part of my kink, and his.
Your memes are very popular among other bloggers. What inspired them?
The Kink of the Week is the only meme that I’ve started that other bloggers participate in, although there are a few of my own “personal” memes that I engage in (the Calendar Game, Alphabet Challenge, Assisted Yoga and Boobies & Bondage Across America) and several that other bloggers host (Wicked Wednesday, Sinful Sunday and the Scavenger Hunt.) I have been surprised and pleased by the enthusiasm with which the KOTW has been embraced. It was inspired by a Fetlife group discussion of the same name. I loved how many different viewpoints there were on the Fetlife weekly discussions, and wanted to bring that to the blogging world. There are so many ways to “do” kink, and I hoped that this meme might inspire and educate others that are as curious about how other people do it as I am.

Poly is a significant focus for you. Why did you choose to start journaling your relationships?
I first started blogging about my relationships as a way to try to make sense of the changes that my marriage was undergoing when we decided to try opening it up. I had been married for about 10 years when we got into poly, a change that I had instigated. As I mentioned, I had always journaled in an effort to understand myself (writing has long been my method for sorting through my thoughts) and so, knowing that there might be others out there that were going through the same things, it made sense to see if I could connect with them online. Poly relationships can be confusing and complicated, and unlike monogamy, there aren’t a lot of poly relationship models out there in the open for those of us trying to navigate our way successfully in them. Later, as people began to reach out to me as the “experienced” one, I realized that I had something valuable to share as well, and that people appreciated my openness in discussing the good, bad and the occasional ugly, with the same honesty and frankness that I talk about sex and kink.

Do you have any sex blogging inspirations?
There are many blogs that I have read for years, but I’m afraid if I named a few of my favorites here, I’d be leaving out so many that I would feel guilty. But honestly, when I first decided to start my own blog I just wanted to tell my stories and talk about my life. I wasn’t really inspired by anyone else. I just knew that I wanted to write as openly and self-critically as possible, to leave none of the failures or triumphs out, to never censor myself and to always, always open my heart up in my writing. As I did, I naturally stumbled across other writers that were doing the same, and it has been those that I have continued to follow and read. But I am fairly certain that even if I had never found any of them I would still have kept writing what I write in the way that I do, because I write for my partner and myself as much as anyone else. In spite of my blog being so public, and loving that aspect, my blog is still very personal to me.

How do you decide what will be the Kink of the Week?
I have a master list of topics that I add to all the time as I hear or read about new ones, but it really is whatever strikes my fancy at the moment. I have also had people email me or PM me on Twitter with suggestions, which is lovely. For some of those I have started asking the requester if they would like to “guest blog” on the KOTW to introduce the topic, since I do not know much about some of them. That’s been a lot of fun, as well.

Have you ever received negative reactions to being so open on your site? If so, how did you handle it?I don’t know if it’s just dumb luck, but I’ve never had any backlash about being so open on my site. Of course, I surround myself with friends who are open-minded, so I wouldn’t expect it to be an issue with them. As for those who might not be so open-minded, such as my coworkers, none of them has ever discovered it, as far as I know. If it did happen and they were ugly about it, I am sure I would feel bad for a short while (I don’t do well with confrontation or hostility) but, in the end, I would have to shrug and move on, and hope that maybe it would open their minds up a little.

I know it might be impossible to say, but do you have a personal favourite part of your site currently?
I wouldn’t say a favorite part of the site, but what I enjoy most in blogging is the more introspective pieces about my life and relationships, the “thought pieces” as I call them. That kind of writing has always been where my heart is, and why I have journaled and blogged my whole life: to make sense of the stuff in my head. Those pieces and the deeply kinky, deeply sexual posts, where I really dive into what’s going on in my head during a scene are always my favorites, to write and to go back and re-read.

Since you have a section dedicated to shoes, do you have a current favourite pair?
Oh my goodness, when W reads this interview he is going to be reminded that I haven’t updated my Shoe Sluttery category in forever (and I’m going to be in trouble!) 😉 I am a TOTAL shoe slut, it’s true—but of course it’s (almost) all W’s fault. But hmm…can I name a favorite pair? That’s easy: my favorite pair is always the latest pair I’ve purchased!

What can we look forward to from you in the future?
I’ve been publishing a lot of short erotica in various print anthologies recently, and plan to continue to do so, so you’ll probably see a lot more of my erotic fiction out in the world. I’m also going to make a commitment to update my author site/blog (Jade Melisande) with articles and Calls for Submissions more often. But mostly, you’ll see more of the same kinky, sexy, introspective stuff that I’ve been blogging about all along!

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