It was an accident really. I was looking to discover what I liked sexually after 40 years of never enjoying sex and therefore having very little of it. I realized I had never thought of myself as a sexual being or even as someone deserving of pleasurable sex. So, I sought out what titillated me on the internet to share with a potential lover. I used Tumblr to show him what turned me on and what I would like to do with him. Later on, I used it to further express and record my own sexual discoveries. And then I found that sexual pleasure and sex education was my passion in life!
Oh, and I like porn, so that helps.
Can you possibly pick just one image from LadyCheeky.com as your absolute favourite of all time?
Tell us about your exciting new site, Smut for Smarties.
Well, Smut for Smarties has existed in many forms for a while now. At first it was just a site where I could post the erotic experiences I had with my lover. Then it generated into blogging about my sexual journey and then re-posting articles that were of interest to me and on theme. I just recently decided to make it over into a place where anyone can go to get information about sex, sex education, sexual politics, sensual pleasure and more specifically address two areas of sexuality that I care deeply about … feeling sexy in your own skin (body positivity) and finding/re-inventing your sensuality after 40. It also houses my own non-fiction erotica and an lusty array of erotica book excerpts by established authors like Sandra Bunino and Alyssa Halford. The site is a work in progress, but so far I’m enjoying expressing myself this way.
For me it was. I’m a writer and sexuality educator as well as an aesthete. It was so satisfying and life-changing to express myself sexually and sensually through curating erotic photos, that I felt the desire to do that on a site geared more towards editorial pieces.
Your mission statement is very personal. Do you ever feel it gets compromised with online attention, or perhaps it is reinforced?
Compromised? Not at all. It is extremely personal. In fact it was only supposed to be seen by my lover and whatever nameless strangers happened upon my Tumblr. But I have to say, because it was written in such a raw state it keeps me tethered to my trues desires. It comes in handy when I have a question about a new relationship … whether it’s one night, one month, one year. It keeps me honest about my intentions and accountable to myself.
What are your favourite topics to write on?
Well, hot, sensual, toe-curling sex for one! Sexual double standards and the media as social arbiter. I’m addicted to news shows from NPR’s Morning Edition to Jane Velez Mitchell. I find it fascinating that a lot of women in television media wax philosophic about the “War on Women,” yet won’t hesitate to slut-shame a woman for expressing their sexuality. They don’t see that they are also perpetuating this myopic idea that a woman evincing her sexuality is the issue when it’s really about something else. In the Tiger Woods “scandal” the big news channels were describing the women he slept with, with contempt when really a) the topic is none of our business anyway and b) It was Tiger Woods that broke a promise to his wife. The problem lies in their relationship – the women he slept with are inconsequential to the integrity of the story.
Who are some of the sex writers and bloggers you follow?
Oh God, there’s so many great blogs and writers out there … well, I follow YOU of course! My other go to-blogs are; The Redhead Bedhead, Alyssa Royse, Sunny Megatron. Writers I love are; Tristan Taormino, Charlie Glickman, Hanne Blank, Daniel Bergner, Tracy Clark Flory, Rachel Kramer Bussel … I could go on and on. And though it’s not a blog and she’s not a writer per se, you can’t be interested in sex and not listen to Sex Nerd Sandra‘s podcast on Nerdist. I mean, I think it’s a law.
What will you be presenting at CatalystCon West?
What can we look forward to from you in the future?
I’ll be doing workshops and continuing to coach on “Feeling Sexy After 40.” For a lot of people, after the kids, the career-building, etc. one might feel they’ve lost their sensual way. I aim to help people get that back or redefine it for themselves. I’m also doing a workshop on “Big Beautiful Sex” which is accepting you body ‘as-is’ in order to enjoy your sexuality and sex. I’m also working on an erotic memoir and an erotica anthology and have a story in the next Rachel Kramer Bussel erotica anthology called The Big Book of Orgasm: 69 Sexy Stories coming out in October 2013, so there’s that.